I can not Breathe

There is barbwire
twisted around
my spinal column
slowly creeping
like a metal
vine
up into my brain
and out to my
limbs
to shred away
any trace of
the man
I now am
so to turn
me
into the
Monster
I must become
to live through
this hail
of bullets

10 Seconds

He saw through broken glass
something that called to him
and should he risk
a cut
a swell of blood
on his skin

Friday Night Freestyle

The walls have faded out
i don't know who I am anymore
i can feel another me pushing
in the back of my brain mind skull
i can feel the pressure in my eyes
self just breathing away
thoughts fractured but
quick incomplete
the walls have faded out
i dont knnow whooo i A M

Thursday Daydream

I sit here
wrapped in a world
of sound and light
While my mind
walks jungle paths
that I have never
tread
A biosphere that
I dream about
on a almost
nightly basis

So it seems now
that my dreams tickle me
even while I'm awake

How long before I just
fade away
walk away
into that dream

Home Repair

I feel like there
is a
Phillips head screwdriver
stuck in the back
of my skull
and someone just
keeps turning it to
the right
as if to screw
their ideas
deeper into my
brain

One Year Plus

right now my heart aches in the cavity of my chest
and my mindrunslikethiswiththewords
all
jumbled
and only a few
seconds
of staccato
beforethetrainpicksup
speed
andthoughtsjumplike
water drops in
May
all i wanted was a kiss
today

and eventhatwastoomuch
to wish
for

Nearly the End of Existence

Times wasting as we talk
looking out from mechanically drawn
cold shadows
these precise lines
where flies balance on the edge
of light and dark
the sticky sweet
The wind that blows over and around

Why won't the words come
flooding down my arm
like old charms
what has changed

How simple it would be to
blow out this candle
and watch you all tumble into
Space

Untitled #4

That's the way he studies it
slowly and silently
yet this thing is killing me
eating me from the belly out
So I can't find my place
in this competitive world
with this smell that invades
And I hate
And I
And I hate
And I

And I wanna die
get high

And I gotta cry
just to get bye

HardWare

I've got enough secrets to make the C.I.A blush
and at the peak of night it makes my blood rush
don't come near I don't like to be touched
and once again I use my insanity as a crutch

STUD

You only want to know me
because everyone else does
You really don't know what's
behind these eyes
and if you touch me again
I'll make you eat that metal in your face

Pink Cotton Dress

Who is She?
A free spirit blown in on
a June wind
Gone when fall appears
here to tear the tears
from impatient eyes

Laughing in dark halls
dancing in the shadows

Who is She?
lost innocence or past
childhood dreams
or both in one
hear to rip the voices
from ripened throats

smoking in the attic
rolling in the dust

Who is She?
that carries her dagger
to put poison in veins
and sugar on lips

kissing the pain
twisting the knife

Who is He?
fresh and lovely
waiting to taste golden fruit
watering seeds that shouldn't have
been sown

silent to the moan
blind to the last

Blank

I saw them kill your Mom on the highway
so I told them all the usual lies
but dead minds can only try hard to produce
and it was all over their heads

Still maybe I just cracked my skull
and when I wake up
You'll all be gone

Untitled #5

I'm free man
no need to torture the truth
out of me
I'll simply and plainly
say it
And dance on the grave you
dig for it

Untitled #17

Sliding glass dreams
wind blowing rain
against panes
like demons, scratching
their claws against the sky

Untitled #16

These words that
are stuck behind
the window shades
struggling to make
it to paper

have been spinning
and mixing
trying so hard

Two A.M.

Phone dead and silent
wishing I was dreaming
of Victorian house populated
with people I don't know
yet

Stinking of anger
and confusion
things better left unsaid
looking at surface bruises
but feeling a hurt that
hides from naked eye

Shit man
you brought this on
yourself
did you think this
would be easy
carefree and sunny
breaking hearts
bad karma
and you already had plenty
of it to spare

now I sit here
wondering if my mind
will ever stop spinning
if teetering on this edge
may really lead to a big fall

2 A.M. and sleep
seems further from me
then I have ever known
it to be

Love seems hollow
and empty
Days seem dry
and tasteless

And flying seems
effortless and eternal

The Forever Men

While you were there
And I was here
Spilling my blood in the humid air
While a mirror image of myself
Walked upon the ocean
I was put upon a shelf
And with a pearly white smile
and sharp vampire teeth
She kissed me and told me lies
She kissed me and told me lies
But I put on a happy face
I turned my frown upside down
Turned my emotions all around
When she said I love you
Love you more than life
There was a smile upon her face
Sharp and painful as a knife
How could I believe someone
With white hot needle teeth
With clear complexion
With eyes of a thief
She made me walk on glass
Made me scar my feet
Spilled my blood in the humid air
While I was here
And you were there
I was afraid to look in the mirror
For fear I should see
Something of a terror
Something deep inside me
There is nothing you can teach me
That I don't already know
For you I put on a happy face
I put on a false face
Only for you my love
Only for you my dear
Tell me something I don't know

I am the last of the Forever Men
With my cold heart
And complex emotions
I'm an alcoholic spirit
I'm a forever soul
I don't care
I don't care
About your relations
I'm old
Much older than any of you
I am a Forever Man
And I am a hero
And a realm of horror
All at once
I don't care
About the future
For I have seen the past
There will always be a future
Slightly out of the presents grasp
I'm the cascading warrior
Charging on my steed
Stealing all you dreams away
And claiming them for me
I'm the last of the Forever Men
The only one to survive
Because all my feelings
Are cold hearted and dry
I am the Forever Man
That lets no one in
And when my Forever soul
Flies off to the stars
This Hollow Man
This Empty Man
Will simply wilt and die

While I was here
And you were there
Fat Cerberus had his fill
Tearing away the masks
Tearing away the shell
While I was
The sky got painted red
And Santa Claus was pronounced dead
While I was here
Spilling my blood
Heaven came crashing down
And the angels all became
Foolish circus clowns
While I was here
And you were there
Spirits rose from the dead
I faced conflicts from the past

I write tears, I write tears
This is spilled blood
This is spilled soul
While you were there
I carried burdens on my back
Behold, Behold
This world has become old
Weep, Weep
You are all fatted sheep

I am the Winged Man
Who guards the vast sky
But my wings are frail
And I am ready to die
My wings are broken and frail
And I'm about to die

While you were there
And I was here
The dream wilted away
I feel empty
Like a vast black hole
Eating away the souls
Of the faces I meet
I'm a new face
With an old mind
While you were there
And I was here
The dreams turned to nightmares

I am the Wrinkled Man
Who has seen the eyes
Who has seen the ages
Who has passed through
The decades
I knew everything
But I've forgotten it all
I am the Wrinkled Man
With ringing ears
And fading sight
I am the Wrinkled Man
I must sleep, goodnight
The tired old man
I must sleep, goodnight

While you were there
And I was here
They buried away the trash
They burned the compost
While I was here
They all gathered around my bed
While you were there
I was pronounced dead

I am the Reborn Man
A phoenix of sorts
Lazarus come back from the dead
I am the Reborn Man
I must live again
I will live again

While I was there
And you were here
I became the humid air
I became the humid air



July 16-19, 1992

Tueday Morning Once Again

There are hopes and
there are dreams
and there is a world
that is more than it seems
and there are scribbles
in a little red book
and a girl who drowns
my heart in a babbling brook

I try and try
to make things right
and to make my point
with out starting a fight
but my words fail me
as they fall to the floor
to break and shatter
leaving her needing something more

Something that is more
than I can give
it's a daily struggle
to live the life I live
So I make a wish
to just freeze time
as the words compete
to make this rhyme

Untitled #11

To Hell with this
I said
and threw my beer
in his face
knowing full well
I was going to get
my ass beat
I was going to
feel pain
taste blood
know I was alive

too many little
stab wounds
in my side
it's ok for
everyone
else
to be imperfect

But God forbid
I should make
a mistake

Wish Cupid
would just
go and choke

Who Laughs Last?

When there is nothing left to say
When we've said the last goodbye
Why must you poke fun in this way
When I'll only make you cry...

Leaders Of Men

Listen to the mind
Listen to the soul
The twisted cage of pain
the forgotten dried out memory

Listen to the heart
Listen to the voice
We will tell you
who you are
and what to think

Listen to us carefully
Listen while you can
and if you listen carefully
you might become a Man

This Has Noting To Do With Any Of You

Should I blow out
that passionless flame?
Do I dare disturb the universe?
I've smelled the haunting fragrance
the one that circles round the nose
and traces the face
I've smelled it in the air and it
Lingers, never dying
I've tasted the staleness
In every word they speak
In every breath we take
Staleness in every kiss I received
I heard music playing softly
the tune of an eternal dirge
playing softly for us all
Death's little love song
Walking, I've heard among the
stolid crowds
Whispers of what life is like
Above the bustle and shouting
I heard distant whispers, calling
In short I was amazed
The fingers touched me
so cold, cold as death
they caressed my hair
they shouted in my ear
they shouted sweet nothings
they felt pleasure, passionless
and alone they left me
Stinking of disgust
Not happy or satisfied at all
Do I dare? Do I dare?
disturb that universe?
to break the shielded sky?
to breathe freshness?
to blow out that flame?
Do I dare shatter?
Can I shatter? That stone cold column
I've seen the deadness, the lost expressions
I've seen all
Don't formulate me
I can't be pinned down
I've already begun
I've felt the static
in everything I touch
It shocked me
and sent warmth into my cold pen
I descended the stair
and found it easier to walk away
I've walked unlit streets
and heard the calling whispers
Hinting, calling me away
Do I dare? Do I dare?
follow the whispers
Do I dare walk away from
the paved path
Do I dare deviate from the course
I've celebrated the seasons
and found them empty and tasting of pepper
Not sugar coated at all
I've celebrated them with
thin expressions fixed to fat faces
Do I dare blow out the flame?

I've watch time slip by
slowly like a damned river
Time moved slowly but we moved quickly
and still time beat us all
I've felt you all dying
Your essence slipping toward the sky
Do I dare? Do I dare to fly?
And I've heard those whispers
calling me away
Do I dare stay?
I've seen the lights flicker
so quickly it's hard to catch
I've felt the pull, I've felt the attraction
And I question, is this passion?
When all you have seen is one side
How can you file us away?
When my skin is dry and cracked
that is when I'm soft
I've seen the angels dueling
Heaven losing it's peace
I've heard the door closing
and the books ending
I whimpered "I'm afraid. I'm afraid!"
Do I dare? Do I dare follow
those tempting whispers?
I promise you I promise
I blew as hard as I could
do I dare blow harder
Should I watch the slaughter?
And lying in bed I've heard them
whispers calling me.
It raised the hair on my neck
but I turned and ascended the stair
I walked in the door.
And with their blank stare, they gasped at me
They told me to shave
They told me how to behave
and when I cut my chin
the white arsenic skin, had the color of red
Do I dare to cut
my Samson hair?
I've heard them on unlit streets
I've awoke to burning skies
While they all told me lies
Do I dare have Medusa
turn upon me her stare?
I've been trapped in the spotlight
Watched all alone, poked and examined
And even there I heard whispers
Do I dare run away?
So when I finally turned to
see who was there whispering
My eyes met my eyes
I heard whispers no more
Do I dare turn away from
that mirror image?
Should I die in your arms?
Would that set off alarms?
Will that flame ever perish?
Do I dare set fire to my soul?
Should I burn more coal?
And when I awoke
to that cruel cruel joke
I didn't question why
I didn't dare ask why.


May 28-29 1992

Faces in the Rain

Faces in the rain
since that day
life won't be the same
When you left me
dripping wet

The Night Sun

The night sun rose in a black star sky
the shades of gray fell on the ground
the streetlight shined red on a body of mine
air smothered all sounds like silencer
air chocked all movement
The light of a passing moon on the highway
No sound the air chocked it
the thought of another body in the red light
just a thought
as another moon passes
and still no sound
yet another phases
another change
The dark black sky drawn out by some unseen hand
the blanket over his mouth, his nose
as the box swings to and fro
phase upon phase
the change continues
The sky lightened by an unseen eraser
A song plays the melody. to and fro
as the light from yet another passing moon
the thought moves on the song
the night sun falls, as the day moon rises
the sky lighter, phase upon phases
the song moves back to the thought
to and fro
the light chocked all sight
to the sound of a sun passing on the highway
the light continued to choke the sight
As a body of mine stand in a telephone both
A thought of a voice on the other end
Just a thought
As I hear the sound of another passing sun

Future

Yesterday I saw a new moon rising
it's orange glow made the sky radiate
Yesterday I saw a new sun rising
It reminded me of my first liquor
I was in a stream of multicolor
And I floated away into the clouds
It took me to a world of purple skies
a world of purebred imagination
Yesterday I saw a new god ruling
His voice was like a cloudburst in my ear
I strained but could not hear the music
Please do not pray for your life, do not pray
Yesterday I saw a new man dying
His last breath wheezing out his pink lungs
They carried his body away to burn
Yesterday around the corner I found
a new World brewing with colors and life
A world of purebred imagination
Today I saw a brand new life living
and I made a wish it was me

Rhyme and Time and Harmony

If I am the poet, will you be my Muse?

I walked with nature tonight
I could hear her boot heels in time with my step

for the first time a real voice on the wind
I could see real arms pulling me in

If I am the poet, will you be my Muse?

there is a place inside of me
where I hide

so isolated from the world
mother nature won't you call me

reach out and touch me
embrace me
melt me

mother nature won't you love me

If I am the poet will you be my Muse?

Restless Words

Old photographs hung
in a building where
the orchestra played
to an empty concert hall
Old photographs, yellow around the edges
the noon day sun and the midnight hour
are no different here
the clocks ran down long ago
She touched me softly
but it was all wrong
it was stiff and uncaring
"Come closer" she whispered
but I couldn't and I told her so
She looked at me hurting and wanting
but it was all wrong
And I walked among more...
more burnt out fires
More heavy women
they all asked me to love
while they cooked their husbands...
cooked their husbands dinners
The building was so vast
Like it held the entire universe
Infinity times 3
The empty stage
with solitary spotlight
Forever burning on
That dark haunting stage
I stepped into the spotlight
Looked out and spoke
I spoke my restless words.

Nightcrawler

Do you want me to say something beautiful
or do you want me to say how I feel?
I'm sick of competing
Sick of...
breathing in stale air
Sick of my ears bleeding
with this noise
Why is it never quiet?
In this old book
this dragged out story
Time to pull out the stops
Time to laugh until we die
It's time for something new
something a little less bright
and with a lot more bite
It may shock us
with things bold and new
So do you want beautiful
or do you want reality?
Tell me so I know
what story to tell or write
Something slightly neutral won't do
It's time for something new
Yes it's time for something new

July 12, 1992

Brain Storm 1992

I am wet with thought
the thunder is loud
the mirrors are reflecting
over and over
Am I bleeding?
Am I bleeding?
Oh. God forgive me
for all the things I've said
Oh, Lord forgive me

I was watching through the knot-hole
When Death came to call
I was watching
My mind was blank
For all the things I've known
My mind was blank
Let my punishment be light
Let the snakes be deadly
Forgive Me

Forgive me
for not being
everything
Am I bleeding?
Take me home
Take me home
Oh, God forgive me.
I was in love
when it all happened
How ironic
Please take me home
To the place I belong
Forgive me, forgive me

I was bleeding
bleeding love
Forgive me forgive me
Will you let me in to Heaven?

August 1-4, 1992

Ouiet Thoughts

somber intelligence
quiet thoughts
waiting to be used
wanting to kill
with their content
wanting to be set free
wanting to be fed
to minds that can not
comprehend the true
meaning of the speaker
wanting to sting with imposed
sarcasm

The Worlds We Visit

The darkness of night
The peace that it brings
The memories and thoughts
That we think in a world where
Movement of the slightest catches all attention
The worlds we visit
in our heads during the darkness
The images that open up before
Our minds
The time that moves slower than a clock
As the clock ticks
The feelings that are
released during this time
The feelings that brood in our inner personality
The evil that taunts us on
The evil that taunts us on

Steal Away

The underlying theme
made so clear
like a song ringing through
the cold winter sky
Clear, crisp and concise

A haunting thought, a haunting...
a haunting rite of passage

Murder in the kitchen
the teapot screams
Something is in the water
and we don't know what it is
I don't know who you are

Look out, the hidden eyes
are watching

Realize the compromise
and watch what you say
the air is full of ears
the air is full of dirt

Steal away, this place is not safe

Can my lady see me
Oh lady can you see me
The white tiger cries
And I don't know who you are

Whispers
the lies are being told

There is a lost child
a ghost of memories
And if you'll say you will...

I do not know, know
know the rite of passage

There are laws that say
"This can not be, this can not be!"
Yet it is, without question,
it is
not a question
I do not know you anymore

Turn around and kiss me
Turn around and kiss me
Turn around and kiss me
Kiss me goodbye