Quick Sand

We blazed a trail through the desert
on the way to the city of sin
it was still and quiet out in the sand
we stopped to take it all in
the waste
I forgot you weren't with me
and turned to tell you something
but you weren't there
the heat
burnt clarity in to my brain
I have to believe in the fact
that
you are happy without me
and be o.k. with it
we all laugh anticipating
a city that literally never sleeps
neon dreams and gambling machines

Triple Dare

You are like stardust
and I wake kissing phantoms
The party in the hills last night
some friends of Danny's
We were all invited
a few heard me read earlier
and I was convinced to recite
something from memory
of course it was all about you
those are the only ones I have committed
afterwards three separate women
slipped their phone numbers to me
while Illy glared daggers across
the room
I've become to shy to refuse
On the way back to the hotel
Danny said
"I think this town suits you."
I think anywhere suits me now
a man divided
body in California
mind in Philadelphia
heart in North Carolina
I trace stardust
and kiss phantoms to sleep

California Crazy

I rate paranoia on a sliding scale
with a small dose of psychic predilection
sometimes the paranoia turns to truth
two German Jews are under my hotel window
smoking cheap cigars
I can smell the acrid smoke drift in
Somewhere in the distance a gun shot
follows several other gun shots
violent in its beauty
two man stand on the corner
under my hotel window
quoting Beckett and Dr. Who
"We are all born mad. Some remain so."
and the other states
"Sad is happy for deep people"
I think there is something in the air out here
maybe there are different stars in these skies

Pacific Waking Dream

There is perfection
In these morning waves
That lap at my feet
Like a friendly dog
Infinity in the grains of sand
I run my fingers through
The sun behind my back
I see light dance
On the Pacific ocean
Brimming with life
I smile a real smile
And toss discarded words
In to the sea breeze

West Coast

California
At once beautiful
And terrible in its beauty
My first reading
Was in a hole in the wall bar
It's different here
The audience talks back
Laughs
I was completely tanked
Before I took the stage
A homage to my idol I guess
I read for 15 minutes
Old poems for a new crowd
Applause
Small talk afterwards
More drinks, chatter
The 5 of us walked back
Toward the hotel
I was high on the rush
Of a new crowd
Wouldn't shut up
Drunk on trying to forget

Black Hole

Circuits completed
the whole of it
comes to life with electricity
we float on the edge of a black hole
fighting its pull continually
The scientist in me
plays god with chemicals
and tries to create life that can live in the void
my systems power on
my assistant fires protons
eyes blazing
hair on end
I see movement
sparks
life
now can I harness the power of love
like I've mastered the power of life

Opportunity

I am father of man
Yet I expand
and become the protector
of a distant land
Illiyana cries
at my attempts to die
She claims to love me
but I don't know why
Tomorrow it's off to
the city of angles we fly
with plans to see the sights
and to read these poems I write
To gather new fans
and talk to a man
about the possibility of a book
or for him to take a look
at a script in my hand
about things perhaps bland
I'll be gone for awhile
from my city of smiles

Truth

Lighthearted Saturday
working on forgetting
on unburdening my soul
we have made our choices
and we must live with them
small birds land in my hands
in my hair
they pick up my pain and
carry it into the clouds
I have to learn to smile again
with or without you

Now Serving...

So intoxicated tonight
playing the fool
playing the clown
obnoxious
my big mouth gets me in trouble
kiss me where the sun don't shine
I do a drunken dance
and feel the floor fall from beneath me
Somehow I see clearer
through this alcoholic haze
your words elevate me and at
the same time open new wounds
walking straight into the rain storm
daring a God I don't believe in
to strike me down
So fucked up on liquor
I ramble on and
stumble in to the night
now sit here in my underwear
unable to cry, to weep
I pray for dreams
but I no longer know sleep

Revivification

I turn my face and feet
toward the east
and walk into the rising sun
walk into the all consuming sea
This is the story of how I died
and became a ghost
a shade of what should have been
instead of a dry husk
all the essence written away in
little poems, useless poetry
I face east toward the rising tide
and release a pain that makes
whales cry a sad song
This is how I died
and rose again
a new creature that burns
like a forgotten star
So not like the thing I use to be
I turn my eyes into the rising sun
and burn away
To never feel the same
This is the story of how I died
and reinvented what it means to be me

Apollo

I've learned how
to beat the Devil
at his own game
I carry him around
in my back pocket
like some trophy
He's got no power over me
I'm not fooled
by pretty eyes
lips that pour
sugar into my ears
I built a wall around me
so strong it can't fall
I built it out of
broken liquor bottles
and mortar made of pain
Only the Sun and
small birds
come in
through the top
I beat the Devil
at his own game
I got a wall around me
so strong it can not fall

8 A.M.

My dreams seem more like reality
than the world I walk through
swallows flying through the city
in the morning light
I sit drinking coffee in Rittenhouse Square
watching people enjoying a sunny day
writing little poems on my phone
smiling at pretty women on their way to work
my friends are all still asleep
I don't do that much anymore
a few hours here and there
before I wake in a sweat
but this morning air is nice
and the city is special at this time of day
I finish my coffee
and start of into the Philadelphia canyons
adventure awaits
it's a shame you're not here to share it with me
but I'll walk this road alone

Ward

I have a good luck charm in every pocket
to ward off the bad luck I was born with
a rooster and a pig tattooed
one on each foot
to keep me from drowning
like the sailors of old
a lucky gold dollar in my wallet
such a superstitious thing I have become
a Nazar on leather around my neck
to keep the evil eye at bay
I look over my shoulder every time I turn a corner
waiting for some monster
It's easy to laugh at it all in the light of day
but I bet tonight
I'll wrap my charms around me tight

Stars and Dust

Tracking sound is tricky
echoes bouncing off stars
I hear moons ram together
fifty thousand light years away
and my ear drums explode
playing God was a bad idea
I make bad decisions
sprinkling rain on a new born world
I pray for life to keep me company

Graphing Calculator

I see patterns
shapes
connections
geometry in nature
and in relationships
strands that link
people to places
and other people
squares, triangle
rectangles and rhombuses
the universe
engineering fate
predetermined outcomes
mathematics that
explode thoughts
inside my broken brain
equations that are
eternally computing
city streets that are perfect
in their parallels
patterns, shapes
geometry in life
love, like everything else
can be distilled down into numbers
my results show the answer is 33

St. Petersburg is Her Home

"It's such a confused language, your American English
None of you have control over it, yet you flaunt it around
pretentious and full of itself.
my native language is so beautiful"
that seductive accent slipping out of her
"But yet you choose to speak it" I retort
she laughs and it is at once beautiful and sinister
"But you my writer, you have command over your tongue
you know how to manipulate it"
She could have any man she wants. I've seen it
they fall over themselves in bars and on the street
she plays with them like a cat does it's kill
she flashes me that she is wearing no underwear under her skirt
and when she see's my skin flush
she laughs again.
"You are so good at at being aloof..I'll have you yet, sooner or later
I'll have you. I always get my way. I'll make you forget.'
If only she was right.
I sometimes think it's only the fact that I won't let her win
that she wants me.
"Your heart will heal and you'll forget her and then I will pounce."
again with that laughter
pushing her hair behind her ear she gets up and walks across the room
placing her lips on my cheek she leaves a lipstick stain
her breasts brushing my arm
she whispers something in my ear that I don't understand
something in her language
"Goodnight little poet"
and then she is gone
will I ever let someone in
will I ever feel the same
my best days seem beyond me
and love seems like a lost dream
she had said earlier that Americans are never content
we just keep searching for the next thing
except me
stuck on you
knowing that anything else is settling
I chuckle to myself
and head out to walk the night streets
looking for the next distraction
until the universe brings you back to me

Wednesday Weekend

Tonight my little circle
rallied around me
and we walked city streets for fun
our little Russian princess painted me a picture
the mysterious magician taught me
how to walk through walls
disappear just like a ghost
my little circle made me smile
even if it was a broken one
and we all drank and they toasted my talent
our rock star let me sing his song
while he played piano
they believe in me
their tortured poet
my little circle
read for me from my little red book
and some of them cried
at certain parts
and hugged me
and some of them laughed
my little circle wants so bad to see me
like they think I should be
cup half full
spinning in the street
we all celebrated art
my little circle saved me
they believe in me
even if I don't

Poetry is for Chumps

Tonight for the first time
I stood to read and nothing
Came out of me
I burst in to tears
As the room looked on in silence
Big fat tears falling on a microphone
Until my friend took me by the arm
And got me out to the street
Where pretty girls walked by
Living their pretty lives
I sob sitting on a doorstep
Philadelphia won't you please eat me whole
So I can throw away this pen
And put these thoughts to sleep
I couldn't read tonight
Couldn't face the truth
Couldn't play the role
So my friends got me home
And sit here with concern
Watching me fall apart

Tuesday

My soul twists
folds
bends
expands
freezes
and finally shatters
I type these restless words
on to a screen
and await an uncertain future
losing sleep
every night
something has changed inside me
again and again
I reinvent myself
until I don't even know
what it is like to be me
anymore
My heart breaks, chips a little more
such a tiny thing now
almost gone

Silver Salted

Monday night drunk
looking for a fight
a beer bottle
a shot
I feel dirty
starving for affection
for a touch
looking for a savior
in the bottom of a glass
a pack of wolves
in the corner booth
teeth bared, snarling
should I take my chances
I could maybe break
two noses before
I go down for the count
bruises still healing
from the last time
I was itchy
Monday night drunk
where are you
when I'm crying in the shower
rocking myself to sleep
Tuesday morning hangover
I know you'll see me soon
empty as my bed
empty as my pockets
empty as my heart
Come and fill it with a new ache
watch me shake
watch me break
and shatter like this bottle
on the first wolfs nose

As I Look At You From The Shore

My head is full of rain
My ears echo regret
I'm sorry I'm still broken hearted
Wish I could let this pain be free
But baby that just aint me
I'm not as strong as I'd like to be
Sitting with eyes full of sleep
Trying to dream,to be at peace
And these words they just pour out of me
No control of what I say
My mood swings wild
Every hour, every day

Limelight

I bought a box
of old photographs
snapshots of other peoples lives
I guess it's a form of voyeurism
spying on the past of someone I don't know
I've been sitting on park benches
watching people go by
making up stories about their lives
writing screenplays about a passing pedestrian
distractions
but none of them do the job
all the stories have someone like you in them
I see your face
your face
in all those old pictures
selling love
and selling my soul

Astro Not

Climbing a ladder to the moon
halfway up until I think of you
and all the things we should be
like happy in love
our souls so free
Three rungs higher
before I start to fall
plummeting to Earth
to break my skull
Praying for an angel
with gossamer wings
breaking rungs on down
in pain I sing
My love my love
come save me now
your heart I'll repair
I'll show you how
When I realize
I fall up and not down
out into space
where there is no sound
where there is no air
for me to sigh a sigh
no thoughts to form
or question why
and of course the last
sight I see
Is you in your beauty
loving me

Cinco

We drink for joy
we drink to cry
I drink because you aren't by my side
We drink to forget,
remember or not dream
I toast to you
my angel
Tonight I wish you were sharing
this tequila with me

Surge

A storm rages outside
and one rages in our hearts
so this poem is ending
before it starts

Board Game Surgery

I found a bag of spare parts
new heart, new eyes, new ears
to replace the faulty ones I have
and now my blood pumps in reverse
my eyes see all before me and all I left behind
my ears can hear your heart ache
miles away
I don't know how to fill this emptiness
other than with words
don't know how to put behind me the mistakes
I have made
I plead for you to come back to me
for you to be happy
sitting in a cubicle
placing wishes on other wishes
blowing butterflies higher in the clouds
walking backwards through my days
hoping to rewind the clock
put years back on the calendar
what do you do when you want
the one you can't have
my southern blood boils
in these northern veins
no matter how I change
I always remain the same
I'm yours for the taking
just say the word
and I'll be by your side

No Plans To Die Today

There are words that came out of me tonight
as I spit alcohol into a microphone
and my friends looked on in shock
we were celebrating the death of an enemy
but I...was stuck on you
falling apart in public is never pretty
but I managed to make like I was a professional at it

A Day Off

Clouds are water
but I see faces and shapes
as light filters through
rays of golden heaven
the city seems to call my name
and I follow like a rat to the pipers tune
lose myself on street corners
and alleyways
riding the train
clickety clack
then turn around
and ride it back
throwing coins into fountains
making wishes on old masters work
the city calls to me
and I lose myself in her mystery

Wizardry

Centuries old
I can hear his voice inside my head
"He is a ruthless killer, he won't hesitate to take your life"
I nod and take up my sword
incantations and incense
magic crackles around me
flowing up my spine
"Steel yourself young man, your soul will be tested"
I have never known fear
but inside I feel the serpent squeeze my heart
He has taken my love, my angel, my princess
I will use all my power, all my wits, all my knowledge
to rescue her from the beast
mounting my steed
I ride out into the darkness
power is in the words
in the words
and in the light

Sleepless Saturday / Slow Sunday

I keep beating myself up
because I'm in love with someone
that I'll never hold
I keep causing both of us hurt
without intending to
I write words to work through the pain
lay awake at night begging for sleep
sleep without dreams
days without tears
without ghosts
heavy lidded
head spinning from alcohol
my cheeks run wet