Vagabond

Tiny kisses draw me out of sleep
my first instinct is that it's you
but as eyes flutter open
I see a sort of beautiful semi-stranger
that I really don't remember coming home with

using my bladder as an excuse
I slip into the bathroom
waste ten minutes shaking off the hang over
trying to figure out how to politely
send her on her way
She knocks at the door and says she has to pee

I get cornered against the wall
and I'm told it was a great night
I'm a great Lover
deftly avoiding more contact
I nod and make a break for the kitchen
mortified that I am even in this situation

It must have been these thoughts of you and him
that drove my inebriated brain
to finally give in to someone
I drink another glass of ice water
promptly throw it up in the sink
wipe the sweat from my face

She comes in and puts her arms
around my waist
trapped, I try to squirm free
and finally make some bullshit excuse
to get her out of my home

She collects her things and I call a cab
on her way out she asks if I will be out tonight
I say probably
and let her kiss my cheek
I feel ruined, broken, ashamed
Bukowski revealed in his various conquests
I don't want to be a conqueror
I just want what I lost

with eyes throbbing
I write this poem
and send it out into the ether