Unaware

This sadness
Has become legendary
And heavy
I carry it like Atlas
Unable to shrug it off

Love and Circuits

Robot brain and human heart
I seemed to have replaced the wrong part
500 miles away isn't far enough I guess
The circuits burn bright
But the muscles explode
I wake from dreams every morning
Forgetting they are dreams
Wiping you from my sleepy eyes
Putting on the face that I'm supposed to wear
A mask out of season
Do you wear masks too

Mouth Full of Nothing

It would better I think if I felt nothing
Instead of having all this love
Rotting away inside me
Your symphony of silence
Is a masterpiece
Snuggled warm in your bed
Your dreams never turn my way
But my dreams are so haunted
It would be better I think
If I could just stop thinking altogether
Put this tired pen to rest
And quit the writing game

Work In Progress

All the bad wishes I have placed on other people's heads
Have come back to weigh my shoulders down
My memory is my curse
I can not forget
these long cold morning
And dark evening drives
Give me to much time to reflect

All I Could Be

If I was a better artist
I could write you the poem I have in me
It would bring years back to us
But I'm a bad poet
Stumbling over my own pen
Your silence is deafening
But I am frightened that your words are more dangerous
If I was a better storyteller I'd write that classic love story about two people
But my manuscripts are just a few pages in a notebook
Shoved in a drawer
Forgotten
This self imposed amnesia is failing me
If I was a better lover...
I wouldn't be so hard to love

On The Ropes

Big orange moon
Are you here to harvest me
It's been one of those days
When I just can't win
But I get up again and again
A prize fighter that won't stay down

I'm Not Climbing Them Now

New car driving
Striving
For something better
That American Dream
Everyday I promise myself I won't think of you
And everyday I stumble and fall
And picture you and your beautiful face
But that's my tree to climb
Like Marvin Gaye said
When did you stop loving me
When did I stop loving you
It's cold here in Pennsylvania
Not like southern winters at all
Everyday I stumble and fall on my promise to forget
Climbing trees has become a interesting hobby

Fate

It's hard
Learning to forget
When it should have been you
And it should have been me
I could say that until I'm blue in the face
But it wouldn't change a thing
Other than making me light headed
It's hard to forget
I could never ink my skin enough to erase you from my heart
You rewrote the book of me
I gotta be ok with those chapters
There are days when I miss days
It's hard learning to forget
Love stings true love stings

Masonry

My father is a man of brick
Stone and mortar
My mother
a woman of pure raw emotion
I am a product of that poisonous union
A man-child constantly at war with himself
Full of angels and devils
Pushing skyward and pulling ever down
I feel but can not empathize
This is the way of my world
I build walls and dare you to tear them down
Then curse you when you do

Poor Attempt At A Love Poem

If I could take all my love for you
And send it out through cell waves
Or push it through Internet code
If I could wrap it up in a polka dot bow
Show it to you in technicolor dreams
I would do all those things
My words fall short
And my heart bursts some days
I'm am full of smoke and ghosts
And smoldering love that burns

Used Parts

I fall asleep in my bed and
Wake up in another place and time
I don't know if I am living in a dream
Or dreaming my life
I wait for your kiss or your call to wake me
These ragged poems go round and round
I'm never going to get beyond this
My love is stuck in the past
I am damaged
Used parts
I fall asleep in a dream and wake up in my bed
Not knowing if I am dreaming or just going through the motions

Amperes

These dreams haunt me
Electric ghosts screaming through the night
Creatures of days gone past
I once was your heart
On fire with passion
Burning and running wild across fields
Now threadbare and shivering in self made coldness
Sky below me I turn in orbit free of gravity
These dreams haunt me
Your ghost
Electric and living
Laughing
Smiling
Never for a second missing my touch
My words
I can not turn off the switch and stop the deluge
It wrecks me
These days that fill me
And will continue
Until my electric current runs dry

Earth Beneath Me

The dying plants on my front porch mark winters oncoming march
the passing of another year
Tinkering in my cold basement
I fail at building time machines
There are spare parts everywhere
And bits of my broken heart mixed with the frayed wires and greased gears
Hours tick by as I try to rewind days
The principle players in this play have moved on to other roles and I'm stuck in my best part
Unable to learn new lines
I stay frozen in time while the world moves on
What a headache
What a dull dream
To know I am not the doctor
Or the dashing hero
Just the tragic poet
In his basement
Trying desperately to rewind

Jupiter Saturn and Me

Planets orbit my head
My eyes are filled with stars
Mouth full of moons
I know you only as constellation
And heartbeats heard through deep space networks
I am godlike
Full of love for you
Hands open and waiting
Heart burning ash in my chest
Comets are my teardrops
Fiery trails down my face
I write poetry in the stars
Trace thoughts with my fingers
In asteroid belts
Muse oh muse
How can I forget
When I still dream even here in cold space

Frost Bite

Winter breaks my bones cold
She scatters them like leaves across my back yard
I drive far each day so my son can have nice things
Drive ribbons broken across warm concrete
Those drives fill me with song
Can you remember those titles I would write on plastic for you
So happy now is how I picture you
So free and far
Jack knows and Tom too
Charles knew
What this feeling is
I saw him cry once on film
Reading a poem about a girl he loved
Winter makes me think
How you changed me inside
And how I often feel like that
I should thank you for that I guess

Self Reflection

I am a worrier
I worry about every second
Of every minute
Of every day
I have tried meditation
And medication
Other and various form of sedation
But nothing helps
I worry about you
And if I will see 50
I worry about every penny in my pocket
Some days I can't sleep
Or eat
It's who I am
And no one really understands it
That my belly churns
Or my thoughts run on and on
I worry about things I can't possibly control
There is no inner peace for me
That's why I find happiness so hard to grasp
Because I would worry if it was real
It's a sickness
And I worry about this sickness
It eats me up
But keeps me sharp
And always ready

Sweeter Than The Candy

I curse these lonely hearts
That drop bombs on cities
And flood streets with poison
You have bruised me blue
They run deep and won't heal with time
I fear the oncoming storm
It's brewing and stewing
Breaking bridges
Blooding noses
Skipping stones
You were never true to me
Unlike this needle rain that pricks
my skin
And prices me cheaply
Like candle ghosts haunting dreams
Every footstep carries in this place
I fear the flood
The flood
The flood
And the cold embrace of water filled lungs

Untitled 435

It can be a long night
When you reminisce
Get drunk and wonder
Why do you still come here
Why do you still care

Halloween Parade

Chaos in motion
Ink skin and dusty bones
hair too long face to scruffy
These hands tingle and shake
with memories
Little machines and touch screens
Two years changes everything
These October days are chilly
Northern scenes change leaves to orange dreams
Porches littered with pumpkins and ghosts
Candy parades in small towns
Order to this chaos
This motion
This never ceasing shaking
And second guessing of every move that is made

Swoon

I am the king of bad decisions
Proudly wearing my rusty crown and brandishing a wooden sword
You know this though
You have knelt at my thrown of plastic before
Cowered in the shadow of my rage
A few more coins have been tossed on the table
You are so pleased with yourself
Your knight in his polished armor
Was my love not sufficient
My kingdom too tired
A chill runs down my inked spine
Lights flicker
Nightmares run rampant

Post Traumatic Stress

The windows steam
I am boiling
Midnight is morning
These bottles are old friends needing new homes
There is murder in the kitchen
Hissing pots and scolding flames
These knives are rusty enemies tired of their work
I am tired of my work too
Burnt out on processors and programs
On software and living code
Cubicle hopping screen staring
Keyboard mashing

I Am An Old Man In A Dry Month

Parked on a park bench
Watching young girls sell hard against the boulevard
So they can do smack out back with the white trash boys
Who size me up
Hats crooked like their mothers teeth
Slouching and leaning in their stride
No real threat to any one but themselves
drawn out skinny arms with bad back room tattoos already turning blue
This is our future or part of it
While a young couple breezes by both with their noses buried in smart phones
Oblivious to anything outside their happy little bubble

I Trip and Fall

Cat calls down dark street
I am too drunk to care
Sometimes I am too close to caring to call
To reach out
Fingers out stretched
Then pulled back
Light breaks inebriated thought
Headlight caught red handed
Too drunk to run
I am too close to not love you
I can't make it stop
Too drunk to even care
I fall to blacktop
Scrape skin bleed blood
As red as my blue blue bruised heart

I Use To Think It Was Forever

Do you miss me like I miss you
Search for your face on crowded city streets
Wake from dreams expecting your kiss
Stars burn blue and cold
And have no memories
Do you still hear your phone ring and wish for my voice on the other end
Have I become a broken thing
Crawling in circles
Wishing for things that have come and gone
My days seem empty as pools in winter

Some One Lies Bleeding

Say something awful
Put the metaphorical bullet right into my brain
Just tell me to fuck off
Wrap that poetical noose around my neck
I am stuck
In a programmed loop
Repeating bad habits
A worker bee searching for pollen
In gardens long dead
infected with hive mind syndrome
Buzzing through days
Say something awful
Or anything at all
My brain scrambles
Looking for a rock in the storm
that is the chaos you left me
Here I lie bleeding
Waiting for your words or kiss
To return me to the fight
I am misery without them

Cloud Computers Dream Too

I am resigned
To this changing
Air
pushing
Nanomachines
In and out of my blood
Building new circuits
Making machine out of man
Correcting the misfired neurons
So love is but a distant memory
If a memory at all
There probably is no room for it
Among all the circuitry and webbing of wire
Soft glow of blue and red LED light
Cooling fans in place of once breathing lungs
You wouldn't know me
Would I know you
Would you miss the human that was me
Heart beating beating beating
Pumping coolant to keep these processors cool

Forensic Science

Sidewalk chalk and childhood games
Cars speed by without pause
The air has chilled
As you move on and on
Forgetting me and my confessions
Is your soul threadbare
Scrubbed clean
How do you dream
Sleep at night
Laugh drunkenly
Was I that easy to wash off
Wag away
My memory goes on and on
A novel dog eared
Over read
Dawn crashes around me
Your day begins far away
I assume it's with a smile
And never a thought turned my way

Cross Bones

Technicolor
You are
Rainbows in cloudy skies
I know tomorrow will be just
Another
day and nothing more
That stone on your hand
Is the weight on my neck
Pulling me toward treasure chests and shipwrecks
Gold teeth
Eye patch
Cutlass rusted dull
I love like gold in watery graves
Buried and in secret

Walk in the Park

Blue sky black
Heart attack
Girl you're never coming back
Clouds open up
Heart erupts
did my love corrupt
Field of green
Summer stream
Were you just a dream
Blue sky black
Thunder crack
Girl you're never coming back

Paper Trails

Last night I saw three shooting stars
That was three wishes I got to make
And though two of them will never come true
Only the future will tell if the other will
I forget daily that I am growing older
Eased into my age
It takes someone else's youth to remind me
But I'd buy more meteors blazing across the sky
More coins in a well
To have some of those days back
And I often wonder if your kisses miss my lips

You Can Always Go Back

Susquehanna valley I turned my back on you
At the age of 18
I fled east and then south
Never looking back
Your hidden charms were lost on me
Turned my back on your rolling hills. and corn fields
The quiet towns that filled my youth
The Pennsylvania Dutch mysteries
Susquehanna valley it was 17 years before I returned home
Here I am with open eyes
You have changed as much and as little as I have
I nestle in my home here
This little old house that creaks when I walk
Waiting on autumn
Apple harvests
Winter and her cold breath

Going Live

Worlds are ending they say
I don't know
I'm the resident idiot
The family fool
Tinkering away in my flooding basement
Fiddling with broken machines
Find me
Find me
They say worlds are ending
But I'm not sure I believe them
I've been too busy finding new ones

Life Raft Deflated

It's ok
On days like these
When premonitions fill me with dread
It's ok
The need to run is so great it blinds
Always searching desert sands
For buried treasure
This burning inability to be happy
Or content
I know your future is great
I know it
Can feel it in my bones
I am lost
Like my country
My generation
Hopelessly flailing in deep water
Waiting for the sharks
I hope these words find you well
These words
Do you read them
Will you read them
Who will read them
Am I gasping last breaths to no one
I can't tell anymore if those are mermaids hands
Or sharks teeth
brushing against my calf

Toxic Things

Red light to green
I'm just mean
In my well worn jeans
That you bought me umpteen
Years ago
Do you know
Why I can't smile
All these dusty miles
Running burning
Belly churning
I'm still yearning
Even though it's all in vain
Love in my veins

Cosmic Storm

Blue marble round
Black sea
White chalk circle
Spinning in and around
Flame on the head of a match
Passing traffic
Splashes rain
Washes clean new tin roof
Sleepless 4 am
Storm clouds yawn
Drops on windows sparkle
Like diamonds in the ocean

Summer Lovin

Who will I be when I awake
The man that loves you
Or the the man that will put sinister plans in motion
August do you love
Do you love me still
My head pounds in the darkness
My blood pours from my nose
Your air is hot and heavy
I drive south
South
Forward and away
August you lead to September
Who waits patiently with dagger in hand

Night Sky Grown Tired

A thousand hands reach out in the night and scatter my molecules across the cosmos
Send me reeling through fifty million days
How long has it been since I have heard the sound of your voice
Years and years
Your absence devastates me
Drowns me in my own
I smell smoke and flee the scene
Rambling in the way that only I know how
Putting it all in print
Presenting evidence
Please wake up now
Please wake up now
I am
Only
Framing
This dream
For future reference
A thousand hands reach up for me
Scattering my molecules out into your night sky to become the stars you wish upon

Walkin Through Walls

You shift and phase in and out of my thoughts
I have been sick with images of you
Snapshots in my brain like pictures hidden in a shoebox
Found all dusty and once forgotten
You are a happy little bunny rabbit
I am what I am
Building bomb shelters to protect me from my own meltdowns
You walk through me
A semi-visible phantom
Sending chills through me
I wake with tears in my eyes and I can't remember why
It's intense isn't it
The passing of days
The measuring of minutes
The letting go

The Modern Age

I step into the time stream
Let it carry me away
These experiments
They are adventures in failure
Transmissions
This town is full of memories
So we experiment with wires and waves
Ways to forgets
Bumps on the brain
I am beginning to believe that I will never forget
So I erase instead
With laser beams and electric machines

Concuss

I have been hitting my head a lot
Not figuratively but literally
Hitting my head on the same beam in my basement
it hasn't been good for me
The last time I did it was yesterday and
I swear I tasted blood in my mouth and felt something in me squish
I haven't felt right since
Carrying on internal dialogues with past loves
Second guessing grocery store purchases
Feeling sort of woozy
Remembering the smell of apple blossoms
trying too hard to capture lightning in a bottle
Trying too hard to erase timelines

You Do Not Know The Way

Does it ever get better
This feeling of mundane
The dirty dishes and sweeping of floors
These everyday lives lived over and over
A billion times
will there ever be a night free of dreams of you
Free of spinning heads and dizzy visions
I am tired of words
I am tired of the futures
I am tired of racing rats and locking grids
My ankles are stained green from mowing grass
And pulling weeds
Hands dirty from soil
I am happy here in the front yard
Toiling with the land

Burned

Do you even come here
Speak my name
Invoke my memory
Am I a dead thing
Lingering
Will silence prevail
My altar cold
My scripture forgotten
Winter broken
Cold cracked
Are these words falling on deaf ears
Echoing out to no one

The Only Key

It's that final push
I go sailing down the basement stairs
Tumbling flailing
Breaking cracking
I lie bleeding laughing
In the middle of the vertigo
All your plans have come to fruition
But
Bit by bit
My curses will hang over you like storm clouds
That's why I laugh as I bleed into the driving rain
My love my love
I lay dying and laughing through broken teeth

You Can Beat The Living Daylights Right Out Of Me

I miss you terribly somedays
My pen dry
It makes me wonder if there are days
When I am all you can dream of
Ghosts creaking up summer stairs
Bringing back dusty memories
We swim upstream like lost lovers
Far from caring
Back then we were different people I guess
Silence now
Silence
I lay awake at night
Dreaming with open eyes
My fingers bleed with frustration
My art lies dying at my feet
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang
But with a tweet

We Dig Our Own Graves

You do not know what it feels like to be Nathan
The one time king of comic relief
To wake and not know the face that stares back at you from the mirror
To look at your own hands and not know the words they write
This love will go on and on and on
It will never cease
No matter what other roads intersect it
I bring nothing to the table
I know this
Remember me awake or sleeping
A giant among ants
Destroying with clumsy shuffling steps
I am jealous of my own happiness
Selfish to the last
This love will go on and on and on
Never dying

Not In

Don't talk much
Distance is like a wall of static
Some days it is like swimming through wet cement
Sweating through shirt and tie out in summer sun
South Central Pennsylvania your air has traces of my past
My present
My future
It lingers in my lungs
Returns part of me to the atmosphere
I swear some nights I wake in a cold sweat thinking it is still 2009
My sense of time and self is all screwy these days
Have I mentioned I fucking hate auto correct

Much Can Be Learned From The Bones

I do not think outside the box
I break the box and rearrange it
Build it into something new
Your Little Red Riding Hood dreams
Are nothing compared to my Big Bad Wolf teeth
I eat the memory of you whole
And they can drug me as much as they like
I am so much more
So keep hitting snooze and snuggle up to him tight
Because I figured out what I want to be when I grow up
Have you?
Have you?
My voice box bleeds
As night sings her goodbye song

Prestidigitation

Slight of hand
Making simple things disappear
With simple things
We break hearts
Break
Break
And go fast down country roads
Turning and twisting
Twisting
Twisting
You are pain in a pretty package
I'm a talentless hack
Pecking away at a smartphone keyboard
Burning my fingers with speed and friction
Friction
Fiction
Two hearts rubbing together
And setting fire to sticks
Two sticks rubbing together and sparking flame to love
I look to the sky and see stars blotted out by exploding colors

Yes I'm Talking To You Sir

You teach me about uncertainty
Reach out and break my back over your knee
Old Man when did we become sick friends
I can't remember life with out you anymore
Always peeping round corners
Like persistent shadows in full sun
My mind plays tricks
Tricksy
Trick
Old Man you laugh
I overheat meltdown and take out the Eastern Seaboard

Post This Somewhere If It Makes You Feel Better

I tie knots to make my bonds stronger
Chemical like gold wrapped around my finger
Lyrics ring paper binders under desk blotters
And just like C.S. once said
You're so vain you probably think this poem is about you
But
Buts buy nothing
I sparkle like sun drenched sand
Blue ocean clear
Shark me
Sharp teeth and bloody jaws

Chatter

Father brother sister mother
I am two but not the others
Too drained to try and discover
I shake I quake I shudder
Old man seizure rears his head
Bites my brain as I lay in bed
Whispers that I'm better off dead
And to regret the things that I've said

Some Round About Way

I am dry in a time of rain
Stale nervous
Unimpressed
Do you even care
(Honestly I don't care if you do)
That my roots die of thirst
You mirror image yourself
So now there are two
Personality split
Evil you takes pot shots at me with a cap gun
While Sweet you kisses other lips
I am dry
While rivers run deep and the sky bleeds rain
This is my style
Darling I know it's out of date

Behind Eyes

I sleep with my fingers in your dreams
I sleepwiththewordsallruntogether
You went and did it
You and your cronies are not as cool as you think
The scene has grown tired
I have gotten older
Wiser
I miss you North Carolina
I miss you Sunday afternoons
I sleep empty

Between My Ears

On my way today
To learn about the gate way
The Galaxy
I saw three rainbows
Three times good luck
and this Victorian home I am nestled in
Feels like another world
Three times I turn around
I swear I can still hear your voice
Even after my phone goes dead

You You You Circle My Heart Like Barbwire

I change and change and change again
But can never find the right face
Circled by what some call love letters
These poems are bleeding trees
Plucking stars from the sky to present to you
I can still dream
And that makes me dangerous
deadly
I can still dream
That is one thing you left me when you took all the other parts
I can't figure out if that was a blessing or a curse

I Just Can't Believe It

I bathe in the fire
Shuffing off old skin
Emerging fresh and reborn
I want to know how you sleep at night
Knowing what you have done
Probably soundly
Pleased with your dreams
My dumb phone blinks red
Burning my retina
Do you miss me my love
Or am I just dreaming of dreams

52nd Street

New York City wet with rain
Waiting to see J.W. again
Times Square midnight streets
Light my eyes lift my feet
My love my love
Turned to hate
My blood it boils
in these veins
New York City damp with rain

Candles Burn Bright

I hope they all come true
your dreams
I thought you were reaching higher
had more ambition
maybe you just gave in
maybe I broke you
and I am still haunted
but I am not a hundred percent sure anymore
that it's by your ghost

Blue

I am so far away from you
450 miles and counting
Distance enough to brake a heart in two
and you do what you do

Broken Toe

This morning as I stepped into the shower
I rammed you into the side of the tub
Now you are red and black and so swollen
I heard you crack snap break
Spent the whole day on my feet
I will hobble around for the next few weeks
Moving through the park
Watching the crowds on the rides
Smiling through the pain

Tide Takes You away

I can't here your words
under the water everything is muffled
I breathe liquid
and it rejuvenates me
swimming away
how does it feel to wake in the bed we made love in
and know I am not there
where will you lay your bones when I am truly gone
I have become something other than seconds on a watch
planting roots in the ashes
of the love we burnt down
you laugh at night but it is hollow
I know  I know
when the skin is peeled back
what runs through your blue veins

Who What Where

heart on display
under glass
a bloody valentine
still beating
is it all that you dreamed
was it all worth it
I am full of questions
with no answers
guns with no bullets
bottles empty of booze
habits that die hard
and I am sick with it

Strange Dream 27

It starts with me in the backseat of an old convertible
staring at horses running across the sky
hooves on fire
and I think I am hallucinating but
the man and the woman in the front seat can see them too
where are we going I ask
and they laugh and say, you'll see
it's bigger on the inside
and they laugh again
I think I have been drugged
but they deny this
so many faces in the stars
sly eyes in the rear view

the car stops at an old house
low in a hollow of trees
there are other cars parked there but it is so quiet
we enter through the side door into an old kitchen
Formica table with silver lining
50's in dirt
men playing cards
drinking beer
the older lady at the stove points me toward the stairs
and sends me up them
it's bigger on the inside she whispers
I stumble up
and see a museum/zoo/menagerie
it is bigger
I wonder halls looking at exhibits
alien animals
living breathing my air
I am lost on the second floor of this home
something smells me out
the cage is open and it charges me
I run toward a landing
the railing
cornered...

I awake
cold sweat
heart racing
eyes full of sleep

Secret Lair

These shelves are full of
failed science experiments
damaged doomsday devices
Half baked monsters never brought to life
ideas gone wrong
half-assed attempts at genius
time machines that only run forward
these shelves are lined with mad mans dreams
Hovering just out of reach

Lambs

this is the power at fingertips when the clock strikes 11pm
dreams degrade
we
talk
in our
sleep
stop making things so difficult
stop trying to convince yourself
I already know
that
nature is second
to doing what you are told
to doing what you think everyone else wants
that path has been well worn
and I still breathe every breath
here in space
where I can see everyone doing what they are told
and you are the darkness on the edge of town
wicked and rising up toward me
this is the power at fingertips
deadly and saintlike
maybe you are right
and I am nothing more than a sacrifice

My Favorite Musician Knows How I Feel

I said
I want love
I said
I want to be wrapped up in pale white arms
I said
just shoot me in the heart
you said
fuck you
you said
something mean
you said
let me rub it all in your face
I jump in puddles
pools
lakes
streams
and can not drown
even with your hand pushing my head down
even with your razor blade carving my cheeks
blood in the water
blood in the sink
on your teeth
my soul dripping from your spit
I said I want love
I said I want to be wrapped up in pale white arms
I said I want to forget
so lobotomize me
with short skirts
cleavage
and a few shots of vodka
you  said fuck you
and something mean
then pulled the trigger

White Candle

We get what we deserve
give me wings
wings to fly
to reach out and touch the Sun
and fly until I burn you out of me
We get what we deserve
sooner or later
Karma is a tireless huntress
and she waits patently for her prey
glass houses are easy to shatter
and there are always plenty of stones
in green pastures
I lie
you lie
and stain souls
with ritual blood
and I have wings to fly
trains to ride
cities to explore
and my spells are powerful
so very powerful and full of truth

Tagtraum

The sparrows flew through my brain
I think I'm going crazy
dead words fall from my mouth
and echo through my ears
sky looked so lovely
pink and gray
spray painted
I wanted to touch it
but it was still wet
and so far away from me
the sparrows flew through my brain
and swelled into that sky
a moving changing cloud against
candy coated canvas
I lay wide-eyed
my skull throbbing
ears burning with all that was said
blood boiling
I turn over in my sleep
and laugh a little

Tap Dance

The space in between you and I
Grows vaster
I say regret
You don't give a shit
You do what you want
like you always do
I miss seven times five
and making sense
reading manuscripts
hearing your voice
dreaming of ballroom dances in tuxedos
You my Marilyn Monroe
flashing smiles and flirting across crowded rooms
I hope you are pleased with yourself
I don't even know what it is I have become

They Both Look the Same Sometimes

Sometimes I feel too close to Heaven
Too close to touching you
it burns my fingertips
Jams them hard into the concrete
It would be wise I suppose
to stop talking,writing
wise to walk those gallow steps
Sail those seven seas
The back of my skull plays those memories
Like private movie screenings
With the faint smell of your ghost in the empty seat next to mine
I choke on popcorn
and you say something cruel everytime we speak

A Game of Catch

Sidewalk talk
has been replaced with smartphone chatter
railway rusted
like tin roof
and empty can
these are the blades of grass
cut like glass
colored like church window
someday vows will be broken
like glass from this church window
hands will bleed
memories will break
we will all go
ring around the rosie
a pocketful of  posies
ashes ashes we all fall down

I See Mountains When I Sleep

There are monsters out there
sharks swimming
circling through the fresh cut grass
pushing feedback
out to space
there are monsters in here too
you
you
you
have helped build one
and gave it life
with your salacious grin and thoughts
I am dirty too
fitting like lock to key
you
you
you
lie to yourself
whilst blind Samson brings the house down on your head
Monsters
monsters
have you become one of them now
with sharp filed teeth
gnawing away at my cerebral cortex

Tangle of Words

I dreamed you ate my heart
Crying all the while
The image I keep of you
Buried deep inside my frontal lobe
Is so pristeen and beautiful
What happen to us
Where did we take a wrong turn
Are you happy
Do you wish for different outcomes
I often think of you
While I burn in my sleep
Eating my own words for breakfast
Slipping clumsily on my silly pride

Change

it's that  little smile in the morning
when you hear my voice
the giggles I get when I tickle you
the fact that I can get you to stop crying
just by picking you up
being a father is amazing
it is more than I hoped for
it has made things so much clearer
and living for you
is so much better than living just for me

Fifty Miles to Go

My memories lie to me
And so they get murdered in their sleep
I create new ones
to occupy my long drive home
New songs to sing
New dreams to dream

Shroud

I was a fool
with spit in his eyes
dead on arrival
my heart skips 1, 2, 3, 4 beats
cymbals crash
guitars roar
my soul got stuck on the bottom of your shoe
and was dragged through the mud
soul on sole
you cry in the dark
 I become a ghost
haunting your dreams

Earthquake

I cut deep
write our names in my blood on the wall
there is no way around this now
the magic has begun its work
intertwining
the ground opens up and swallows me whole

Oracle

Oh painful muse
cruel angel
twisting that dagger
loving, drinking in my anguish
I continue to lay prostrate at you alter
begging for your words
your voice to kiss me
will your statue move and bless my sacrifice
Or spurn my pleas for the divine
My love burns deep
Filling me with smoke
So I scatter with the wind

Binge and Purge

infinite
instant gratification
this nation
is wasted
on generations
of guilt
bred into the people
by media whores
and social networking fakers
finite in their knowledge
of  human emotion
driven by greed
and oil
paper and coins
consume consume
grab all
pity none
Rome fell
Britain as well
decadence is a dance
and we all know how to do it

Days That Are Numbered

These
fingers
are knives
and discontent
there are times
when I know
I am capable
of murder
can see the life
draining from eyes
These
eyes
are strangers
and full of something
I can't touch
old song lyrics
escaping into the ether
there are times when I just wish the words
would stop
and I could forget
burn all this work
this is the song of
a man that knows his pain
and where it comes from

Terminal

Want off this desk
So bad
It is killing me
Prayers for rain
That go unanswered
Emptying my bladder in the dark
I know everybody wants to put you down
But yet
After all this time
After all this
I still jump to defend you
It's a flaw of mine
Loving you still

Accident

I'm so tired
she crashed into me
twisted metal
stuck in emergency
I wish for nothing
this broken windowpane
leaves the wind to blow
spattered with the rain

I'm so tired
she took most parts of me
Can't hear you now
I can barely breathe
burning bridges
not what we had planned
I dream of safety
in medicated land

I'm so tired
She crashed into me
Can't see straight now
restless in my sleep

A Day Full Of Mouths

I saw you coming
So I turned the other way
And drove
Ghosts were dancing on the Interstate
I blew through them
Misting my windshield
Wetting my wipers
Talking voices floating out
Of my speakers
“Hello….Hello..
Are you reading me”
I turned the other way
With your left hand blinding me
And dissipated phantoms
While they filled their mouths
With the days of my life

A Mouth Full of Days

Last night you invaded my dreams
and tried to make peace
when I wouldn't sign that treaty
you shot me, tore my eyes from my head
punched, slapped and kicked me
rolled me down a hill
while I sang merrily
If you taught me anything, August
it is to tell the truth
have you taken your own advice, September
or would that tear your little world down
the lump in my throat gets bigger by the week
choking me to silence
February  has it in for me

The Me That You Know

Stars burn brilliant
hypnotizing in blue eyes
they draw lines across
plastic sealed windows
the ship travels fast
from planet to planet
moons terraformed
growing corn in space
feeding cows in craters

docked at a space station
we bought some strange liquid
that made me dizzy
and bedridden for five days
stars burning in my eyes
could not work
transferring data from port to port
the ships computer scanned
and found little beings
swimming in my brain
little metal beings
rewiring me
literally
I am becoming machine
and it is O.K.
I am not afraid anymore

Blowin' Off Steam

I was trying to write something deep
But the poem was going no where
and some times, on days like today
I just want to say...
Fuck you
Fuck them
Fuck everyone
Ha ha ha ha

Dreamin'

I am not an easy man to love
some days
my manic depression can weigh tons
and be like an anchor around the neck of my love
pulling under and drowning her
in a sea of sorrow

So Sleepy

Blank today
like the pages of my journal
the human race
has out raced me
and I am so tired
I feel my age
for the first time in my life
this lump in my throat is getting bigger
blocking all the words I need to say
making it difficult to swallow
the truth

Acclimatize

Spring peeks its head
through my cracked window
and blows the pages of my book
into a disheveled mess
these seasons they pass oh so quickly now
in and out of my life
taking little slivers of me
with them
weeks fly like jets
leaving trails in my eyes
lines on my brow
I ink my skin to
be more colorful
like a preening peacock
maybe it helps me forget
the pain of days gone by
of Summers who loved me
and fled
always looking for Autumns arms
or Winters allure of stillness

Sedentary

The moon drips dreams tonight
long silver strings
threads woven into spines
of the books on library shelves
the stars flash jealousy
brilliant with disgust
at how the moon gives herself away
we read words of blue
and marvel over their meaning
stories we can not comprehend
written by ghostly hand perhaps
in a strange configuration
told in backward progression
Some days I feel this moronic
head a rats nest of memories
there is no beauty in my words
only painful reflection
and bits of the moons silk
woven into the canyons of my brain

Drivel

It is cracked
fragile eggshell
yoke
frying in a hot pan
Love boils, pops, burns
cupid falls from the sky
wings blazing
smoking
failing
impaling on his own damn arrow
bow broken
broken hearts
false starts

I Might Know A Man in That Line of Work

There is beauty in the cold wind
that blows the frosted yard
Hard grass that breaks beneath feet
Hands are blue and dry
Spade breaks dirt
It won't grow yet
It will wait for spring and sun
Dead seed
twin to the love in your heart
I shiver on the front porch
waiting for that thawing warmth
So I can move again
So the ice shard in my heart melts
You will see one day
Maybe it will be fifteen winters from now
But you will see
And I will be an old man
Old and possibly uglier

Chrome

He says that it drips
from my heart onto paper
stains my fingers red
red and black as tired ink
Too wrapped up in what you did
Leaking venom on delicate skin
Engines seize breaking metal
splintering concrete and shredding steel
I become another roadside thumb thruster
victim of fire and smoke
Rising as a time traveling charlatan
History rewinds
Laughing lunatics staple my words
To their faces
Praying that you someday
Someday
Come running back

Medicine

I am not mad like Alice's hatter
I don't believe you anymore
Your smile rings false!
Devils tell better stories
My eyes see blazing suns
Ignite my flower garden
Dry with disappointment
I hope that you look at me as your great love
The one you left behind
My belly churns and I am sleepless
I can never forget what you mean to me
Even though it would be a happy pill for me to swallow

At The Moment

I drink love from a coffee cup
It fills me with cloudy days
Long drives toward setting suns
Toward an old porch all set with rusty swing
Dead house plants wilting in winter
Remind me why we do what we do
Back to sleepless nights
Full circle!
Does that make you happy

Untitled 99

Moving through this ghost world
he sees
phantoms of past loves
like shadows in trees
leaves falling with autumn colors
Blowing away,ashes in the wind

Tidbit

Only everything is what you promised me
a promise broken
Yeah
maybe I'm still bitter
But there is a peace to living in the moment
And letting the future bring what it will

Caged Bird

I want out
out
out
open the window
let me fly
fly
fly
I can not
stand this cage
deliver me from cacophony
release me to
solitude
silence
let me fly
fly
fly
to twin moons
and empty feilds

Friday Night Fight

Where is he she asked
He said he was going home and didn't want to be bothered
Well I'm going over there he is coming out with us
Aww leave him alone he doesn't want to go out
What do you think he is doing then sitting in the dark
Hell woman, I don't know. Rubbing one out to gay german midget porn is my guess
(That got me a punch in the arm, the first of many that night)
He should go out with us, get drunk, laugh
I said leave him be. The man needs to get his crying done in peace
(This is when she made the first of many lewd gestures, she was not a refined woman)

Later that night
After she had once again run off
With another man from the bar
I came home to flames shooting from his roof
Cops and fire fighters everywhere
And I thought...
After multiple tries
He finally got it right

Heaving Swords

I am dry from too much thinking
too much dwelling
you are off having the time of your life
I am an old man
sitting looking out windows
watching taxis drop off busy people
on their way to summer streets
I miss love like arms around my waist
kissing in the dark and laughing on the phone
mine rings and I hope it is you
but it never is
not anymore
just a ghost voice inside my head
bringing tears to already moist eyes
remember me
at night when you wake from dreams your heart racing
think of me when you kiss someone else
my awkward kisses
fumbling in a dark office
giddy with first contact
I miss you now
and always
an old man
watching young love
on fresh city streets
living in a past that has dried up
and blown away

Jovian Planet

Dear ___

We have just entered orbit
around what the captain says is
the last Gas Giant in the known universe
(the navigator confirmed this to me)
It is beautiful
I have attached a photo to this message
swirling movement across its surface
I hope this reaches you
I wonder often if my messages do
If you still read them
if you still think
out here in deep space
I have been gone so so long
from our world of talk and noise
I'm sorry I left , ran away
you needed to be free of me
and this ship needed someone with my talents
I have been across light years
and not found your double
there have been alien women
whose eyes looked into my soul
and wept
Have you forgotten me and moved on
loved again
while I fought pirates on red moons
and worlds of green liquid
I miss you and our world of talk
and noise
But I can't even see
our star from this
place
the first mate says by the time
we reach home
So much time will have passed
you will all be gone
Are you all gone now
I hope these messages I have sent
have reached you
All My Love

                         __________

Parking Tickets

I don't mind the PPA
They do their job
everyday
Break the law
you pay the price
keep your nose clean
that's my advice

Choked myself with the power cord
Can't get approval from the Regional board
they think my ideas are all too strange
not far to go until I'm fully deranged
that's what they say

To change the past
I build machines
No one knows
what I mean
It's a way
To fix mistakes
It keeps me busy
While my heart aches

Got carried away with feeling bad
Let go of all I had
Broke you and I broke myself
Aww fuck it all to Hell

Like some haunting melody

your first name
is everywhere I go
everywhere
It seems to follow me
like a lost puppy
every time I think I have escaped
I read it
hear it
everywhere
what the fuck
banging pots together in my head
buzzing in my ear
distracting me
digging up old bones
and sighing life back into them
I know years will pass
before I ever hear your voice again

Stuck in my Head

Flustered in a dizzy haze
Sorting through my yesterdays
Do you know what you want
Something you already own
Or someone who just slipped away
It's nothing at all like you thought
Lessons not easily learned
Learning how to crash and burn
We sparkle like a falling star
Never knowing who we are
We just keep rollin on
And on and on and on

Day Break Diner

Alarms sound
take cover
Your emotional nuclear bomb
devastated the alter I built to you
damaged like these poems
not perfect like your face
which I remember just so
Some days I just want to hear
your voice
or those three words
you use to whisper to me in the night
Some dreams I reach out to touch
and find that you are not there
but somewhere with someone
our hands no longer entwined
that is the real tragedy
the one that keeps spirits restless

Dark in the Morning

Wind howls
Voice lost in feedback
Some love is never done
Rain pounding pane
Breaks cracks splinters
Mistakes take their toll
Changes bring more changes
Certain songs cause tears to fall
Old friend
Don't let me go

Two or Three Days Dirty

You invade my dreams every night
Sometimes you still love me
Other times dressed in white
Burning bright
Spotlight
I stand tall
like giants
Fall from beanstalks
Why now when the past should be nothing but that
The past
Ghosts running fingers through hair
Blowing candles out of windows
I worship at deaf alters
Pray to dead Gods
Every night you invade my dreams
Burning bright
Stage light
Never to love again
Fucking Hell

Straight Razor

Pound my head against a metal wall
Guess I can feel pain after all
It's a daily sickness I can't ignore
What the hell am I fighting for
I try to make it right
Bad dreams every night
Frustrated with the path I took
Wish I lived in a story book
Only one thing left that brings me joy
The smile from my baby boy
I need to learn to forget
can't spend my life upset

The Man Pointed His Gun

He said
I lost my religion at 16
and fumbled my philosophy shortly after that
I have done unspeakable things
unspeakable

He said
you know nothing of sadness
or of love
just chemical imbalances
fluids not mixing in your brain
not mixing

He said
I know about lights going from yellow to red
the squealing of the tires
the scraping of the metal
copper smell of life

He said
you only know the heavy lidded night
filled with caffeine and
nicotine whores
bleeding affection
while I am more than that

He said
You were nothing to her
a passing phase
a dream not worth dreaming
she only does what she thinks others want
she only does what she is told
as evident by her choices

He said
the most interesting thing in the world
is how we work as creatures
our tendencies
our predilections

He said
He said
wake now from this
wake now from this
wake now from this

Warrior on Wednesday

Silence is surrender
but I am never quiet
armed and ready for war
I no longer let fear rule
you set up the battlefield
like boardgames
you  run the risk of losing
losing losing
like all those times before
your hand is never dealt the way you want it to be
and I have age and wisdom on  my side
and much stronger ammunition

The Days of the Month

My heart hangs heavy
Weighted by the world
some parts may no longer work as designed
Broken
this perfect machine
and no New Years resolutions are fixing it

I return to it like a drug
An addiction
A strange fixation
Sadness is a comfortable home
The food is good and familiar
the bed warm
The pillow tear stained
and no one cares if I murder Love while it sleeps
all warm and cozy in its sheets

Simple

Dirty dreams
A future that was not
I climb back into my box
set the controls
and drift back to sleep
Time's tide will move me
Take me where I need to go

Rambling in Space

Long lakes
Stretch through plains
Outside my portal
I have burnt out motherboards
Shorted out diodes
Hard light cuts through metal
My inventions litter the courtyard
I have been to planets upon planets
Searched the cosmos
I am old and young all at once
Long lakes swim fish
Feed the beasts that roam plains
I have escaped city streets
This all ends
Ends with question marks and confusion
I don't even know what I'm saying

Spark Plugs and Gasoline

Why do we lie to ourselves
And to each other
We know the script of our hearts
Know what's written on the inside
Speaking false
Or half truths to those we love
Sort through shoebox memories
Make plans for sunny days
Tiny birds land in my hand
I am magic
And you miss my spell
You cannot stay away
you cannot help yourself

You to Thank

Some days I can not help
Can not help but think about putting this to rest
Put these words to sleep
I am sad inside
And these poems are just a repeat
A rerun
A rewrite
Blinded by white
Rewrite
Sea light

It's the Match

That lit the flame
It made you fall
in love again
The corner of the street
That barking dogs collect on
Chasing rabbits like roving packs of
Teenage girls chase skinny boys
Confused by seaside towns
Ocean cliffs
Fishing trips
Artic winds push couples
Into sheltered doorways
Missing something special
These mobile devices
Light our way to an impersonal future

No Further Questions

The king and queen are black and red
They stand tall like Titans
Broken like teenage dreams
It is filth and sickening synapses
Monarchy mad
I love
Love
Broken axel and rusted tank
who is gonna fix this flat tire
So this jagged road can complete its journey
Burger joints and old folk telling us
What a perfect couple we make
ahh memory of Friday nights
I am neon lights and urges