buzzzed

I've been drinking tequlia and beer
All night
Smoked a pack of Camels
I'm too drunk to sleep
Got work in the morning
I cried til my head hurt
Don't know how or why I'm
Writing this
Don't care
Hearts break
Livers stop working
Brains degenerate
Words are meaningless
I am meaningless
Drunk and full of hurt

Blockhead

Torn asunder
The pages of a manuscript
Like the two faces
That peek out
Should this pen ever run dry
Should this scribbling ever stop
I just
I just can't...

December Headache

You snuffed out
The light
The heat
The flame
And some lonely nights
I sigh your name
Even though it's
All in vain

Grumpy Old Man

I rise from a hole in the Sun
Swallowing the Earth
I feel billions of lives
Connect
My rage sends the
Solar system reeling in all directions
Across the galaxy
I curse the name and rearrange the
Stars in a monument to my sexual prowess
Menacing the Old Gods
I piss on their temples
And tear down reality
Laughing in the emptiness
Swimming in the void
I recreate Heaven

Saint Sinner

Fake southern drawl
And a wink
Oily handshake
Selling broken girls
And empty dreams
Arm around the shoulder
The smell of cheap
Men's cologne
Barely masking the
Burnt odor of
A chain smoker
With a crooked smile
He swipes the money
From the table
"All your dreams
come true,Sir. Here in the flesh"
The devil in disguise
The devil in her eyes
Flesh to make
Flesh rise

Chilly

My heart sinks
As a prophecy
Comes true
Lost among so
Many images
So many memories
My heart sinks
Like Titanic
I wish for
Similar times
Wish for
Warm heart

The L Word

I don't know how
To say Goodbye
I don't know how
to let go
You planted a seed
Deep inside me
And it's taken root
It has changed me
Fractured my soul
As it digs deeper
I can't let go
I can't get you out of my head

Alpha

They feed on the bones of viruses
Veined skin so translucent
A face made for cutting
Eyes like stars
Silver crystals ready to explode
There is poison and truth in the blood
Tomorrow you rule the world
With your irradiated soul
Far above the clouds

Moody/Fragile Smile

I am tired of myself
This chameleon that I am
I'm tired of this shedding skin
Changing more often than the seasons
I'm drowning in a sea of personalities
Waiting for that knock out punch
That crowbar to the knee
Or maybe the skull
I owe Karma big and can only
Dodge her goons for so long

Plus One Plus Two

Blood beads along the cut
Cleansed with the juice of
a california lemon
A chemical reaction that
Eats holes in the brain

Frost Bite/Atom Bomb

I am green inside
With anger
Or jealousy
I don't sleep at night
For fear of crippling
Your memories
And you laugh in bars
Drunk on something
Killing a pain that aches
Like frozen muscles in arctic towns

I Think I'm Going Sane

A giant salmon swims
Across the treeline
Little sliver of a moon
Hangs in a twilight blue sky
I write poems on a telephone
While my fingers turn to popsicles
I can see my thoughts in my breath
Cartoon thought balloons
Seeing the world through
The plotted out timeline
Of a movie storyboard
I sink luxury cruiseliners
For a laugh
Costume super jerks
Hunt me daily
To bring me to justice
I jerk my head quickly
To the right
And concuss my brain
Throbbing
My eyes go dark

I Fly Without Wings

They made me in to a human weapon
And pointed me at a target
But a deal was struck
And the headmaster met an untimely end
A livewire
A false look of surprise
A bulging of the eyes
They manufactured a future
And set lose a m.o.n.s.t.e.r.
Don't say it out loud
Out loud
It swallows the sea and
I can't contain it

Pencil Sketch

How many times
Will we hear the bars
Clink
The locks push home
The slap of straight jacket
Straps against padded
White walls
This place is filled with
Living terrors
Fifteen shots of cheap tequila
And a pack of Winstons
The crinkle of flat hard bread
My mind wanders these cell lined halls
You'll find the
Past that suits you best
This Asylum will keep the rest

Because the World has Failed us Both

I stutter your name in my sleep
I write song lyrics while you make plans
For secret meetings with secret agents
You learn how to slip in the silent knife
While I bake a poison cake for my arch-nemesis
What will we do when there are no more
Ghosts
For us to consume?
Will you consume me?
Should I run
Run
Run far away
Or should I stay
Stay
Stay in this bed you made
This grave you've tenderly dug
Do you miss me now my love?
Are my bones already in your stew
Your Assassins are at the door
The window
The mirror
I melt to a scream
And mutter your name in my dream

Insert Witty Title Here

The mood to put this to paper
Strikes
While floating just out of the
Atmosphere
Waiting for a sign
That these flashes
Of immortality mean something
More than a hundred years of life support
Your reasons were your own
Just like Devil had his
Seeing your hand in his
Seeing your lips touch his...
Being bulletproof..
Doesn't mean shit when your heart
Is exposed to the world
I never should have taken off
The mask

Scientist

Sol breaks through the nimbus
Vocabulary lessons
Pretending to be a
Figment
A dark room to fall asleep
Digging ditches in the desert
Bones and cactus roots
I'm an armadillo baby
Maybe you can love that shit
Worth more than the gold vein
That tunnels through your torso
I burn my name in the moon with my laser beam eyes

Tights and a Cape

I have found the reality
In my duality
There are two mes
Figuring out how
To balance
Is like skipping along an anchor chain
I could flip a coin
Or quit writing in the first person
Bit by random bit
We (as in you and the ever present I)
Control only one aspect of time
The situation has mutated like the cells
In the third person
Where Nathan refers to Nathan as Nathan
My head throbs with what if's
Intangible dreams
Life and love are not like their
Literary counter parts
Nathans head throbs
As Superman saves you once again

Black Belt / Red Robe

My vapor trail
Spreads out across your vision
The fastest man alive
I live by the sword
And you came equipped
With all the right potions
All the right techniques
My heart screams bloody murder
Redrum
I bleed out emptiness
And feed on a small sun
To rise again
Blistering the country side
With the fury of your failures

L.A.B.

Thoughts of you are
Still sprinkled through my day
They leave me floored
With a mouth full of
Red clay
Barely able to speak
They leave my phone dead
My pen dry
I wish
Wish wish
For fairy tale endings
Blurred skies and spring
Breezes
Days
when a passing
Car doesn't speak of
Days
best forgotten
No matter how good they
Were

20th Century Sorcery

You read souls by the light
Of a smart phone screen
Maybe I'm too old to understand
Crystal balls seem more mystic
And you kept talking
Digging at flaws
And bones of past training grounds
Maybe you've let out a side that surprised you
Maybe there have been others now
I'm sure you got amnesia quick
And the dragon in my chest
Twists a little tighter with the
Thought
You read souls by artificial light
I fade to shadow as the candle
Flickers out

Looking for...

I was there when the walls fell
And the gates and Gods came unhinged
My powers over time and matter
Trump your science
And yet you soldier on
Or I guess that you do
The one person I can't find
In time's stream
Kissing other lips
maybe
All the laser beams and time machines
I've put on my shelf
Have proven worthless

Wishing in a well
That's all pennies are good for

Aristocracy

I worship the Sun
Like the ones before me
On the altar
I make my tribute
For you to poison
So my Sun is angry
You poison my well
So my son is touch and go
Flailing in the riptide
Life drowns me

Innocent

Pressure
Stress
Boiling over
Out of control
Brooding and majestic
Brillant in design
How do Gods deal
With sudden sadness
Stones from another shore
Cut patterns in summer wheat
In the blood
Passion
Desire

Bail

I am broken teeth
And blueprints
In a madman's workshop
Wires,gears
Waiting for a seed
To grow
I tear holes
In the fabric of reality
And poke my fingers
Into your dreams and
Doing so leaves scars
On both our souls

Little Dog in My Lap

Perfect
Like blue skies
On the fourth of July
I live in this universe
That is beyond amazing
We are born,thrust in to
This creation,this chaos
To make the best of it
And we exist and breathe
Love
And breathe
Tiberius shifts and sighs
The world sleeps at peace tonight

Computer

I am not a machine
That you can program
To spit out the answer
That you want
No
I am an independant
Living being
I love
And I am full of passion
Ready to be the valiant prince
Here to save the day
Who wants to be my princess?

Theraflu and Me

I'm lost in the waves
That float through the air
Voices and pictures of family
And friends and pets
I think information travels
Too fast
And we get it incomplete
Or wrong
False truths
We can't tell what's real
Or fake
"reality" is what we make it
Or what MTV makes it
Or NBC
I'd just rather throw my hands up
And place my hopes on Aliens
Kidnapping me and getting
Me
The fuck off this
Sinking ship

Hope at 4AM

I awake from a dream
A dream
A dream
And want that
One last night together
Before it's too late
Before I fade away
With the morning fog
A poltergeist
Only made of memory and vapor

Thursday : Cloudy with a Chance of Rain

There is a tornado
In my thoughts and
An earthquake in my chest
There are mothers whose
Greatest goal is to become their daughters
Or to put rocks in their pockets
And walk them out to sea
I seep pain from my ears
While you sleep with fishes and mermen
Like foes in a battle of wits
My logic leaves you reeling

Bedtime Stories

I am not scarred Severian
Fighting a giant Baldanders
In a mist filled castle
But some still call me
Torturer
And in some ways
I guess I cause pain
Though I don't mean
Harm or hurt
Just dreams of blackbirds
being an astronaut
And laughing in the snow

Bull In My Pasture

Show me again
How you do that trick
Where you make a question rise
From thin air
And force that answer
You so badly want
Out of me
A fiend made of smoke
Sneaking into my brain
A parasite eating my thoughts
And shitting out your own
Show me again that illusion
So I can sleep
Cause I know you are not real
And so does my dog

All the Time it Takes

New
Hands scrubbed
Typing on a pad
Clickclickclick
I can see
Forever and
Want to know
Why you won't do right
I have nestled
My head on the
Belly of a star
And heard it grumble
A sleeping dragon
In my sleep

Resturant Life

Am I a myth
Are there monsters
Living in me
Did you see the Devil
Here to do the Devils work
Was he hiding in my eyes
Was I smiling like he smiles
Some days the hours drag
And I can feel
Something wicked...
rising up
Wriggling its way toward space

Beanstalk

The words that spill
From you are
Stained red
And they mean
Less than nothing

And I am next to nothing
With pounding head
And freedom
And all my little traps
Meant to catch
A stumbling giant

Royal Plaza Inn

How many days
Will it take
For these memories
To die
To pass
To fade away
Into the cold
Autumn night

Sorcery

Open book
To be read
Like a throw away
Romance novel
You use to mean
The world to me
Now I'm scared to death
Of the inbetween

I guess there is a fine
Red line between
Love and hate
Who crossed it first

Collection

I have been
Working hard
Collecting ghosts

So I have found the
Secret to walking
The hallways of Time
As to release these spirits
Into their proper place

Quick and Dirty

tattered pages of
a well worn and dogged eared
book
escape from one world
into another
or another
or another

there are other worlds than this
maybe in one of them
we can pay our dues
and you can give me what you stole
or you can just slit my throat
like I know you have been dreaming of...

Topography

Orange dreams and yellow days
black stars mixed with Red Moon nights
I spent 6 days recovering on a couch
thinking about a way out
while the world outside kept turning

waiting for an answer
a sign
that the choices I made were mine
and now I wander
this cosmic highway
searching for a way back in

Untitled #31

You can carry your entire
record collection in ones and zeroes
in a little metal box
in your pocket
150 years ago they didn't even know what a record was
and in another 150 we won't remember
Jesus we have moved fast
fast
fast
no wonder the days seem like a blur

I Would Have Rather Been.. blah.. blah.. blah

If you were ruler of the world
would you change anything
or just put us all
with our backs to the wall
and laugh through the blue gun smoke
as we slump to the ground

Or would you rewrite history
to suit you

these are things I think
when I'm looking at you through
the space between
my fingers

End This

200 miles underground
It waits with the patience
of a moon
to rise up through the crust
when the Sun flares for the final time
it will eat its shell
and that will be the true end

2012 my ass

the Mayans had it all wrong

Father of all Monsters

There are airwaves
and radio stations
that transmit
this code
underneath all the music and noise
and there was a man
who saw what Saturn looked like
and Jupiter
and he told me our idea's
were all wrong
that life is out there
and it's just waiting to be discovered
and that the God's weren't myths
they just found that other places in the universe
are better to inhabit
predecessors to our journey
into the cosmos
ants crawling over the legs
of Typhon

Surgery

They are going to open me up
and take something out of me
they will fix the jigsaw puzzle
that is my spine
and take away the bad dreams
the pain
the fear
they are going to put me to sleep
and when I wake up
I will be a new man
I will be better
stronger
happier

Christ almighty I'm fucking scared

Fragile: Handle with Care

Karma's a bitch you said
but baby so are you
and how many more nights of
drinking to make the pain go away
can we take

Hay Fever

Cleaning out the cobwebs
so this scene plays out the right way
and I never got those humid hot nights
what special fascination they held

How long were you lying to me?

I don't think I was ever the
one and only you promised me I was

But the Sun is shining and
I don't feel that weight on my chest anymore
pushing down so I can't breathe

Late Summer

And my rocket ship is aimed for Alpha Centari
and I'm not scared

Nesting

Turn once
turn twice
turn thrice
blink and sigh
feel the looks in their eyes
fly sparrow fly
autumn is around the corner
and Florida beckons
or Mexico
where they shoot you for looking cockeyed
or for just being a gringo

Perfect Symmetry

Sunshine Sunshine
creeps through the bedroom window
and crawls her way into my sheets
curls up next to me and slips me a kiss
Hello Lover
It's only 2 a.m.
and morning has arrived

Sometimes I wake up dreaming..

Until The End of the Milky Way

Zero hour
when the day settles for
everything you've got in your pocket
and not a penny less
don't fear the microscopic physician
He is here to make it all better
and noninvasive
anesthetize me
let me lay frozen in time
while they rearrange my spine


And I'm glad I'm better now
smiling this smile
this smile
this sharpened teeth smile
and I wish you were still around
cause I'm thirsty
and you owe me several pints of your soul

Random 75

The last knife in the drawer
is the last knife in the back
and Washington never cut down a cherry tree
but he did have wooden teeth
I'm sure they are on display somewhere

The Fish swims in the mirror
small line of color unknown to the eye
ripples in my reflection

the flashing white smile
the number on the dial
and the world keeps turnin'
the tide keeps rollin'
the beaches are shrinking not growing

the last thought on the mind
is the last thought on paper
I'm the new Savior
here ta save ya
it's the gun I got in your back
you soul in my paper sack
I'm gonna put it on display somewhere

Window Washing

I am not how any of you found me
I have changed
rearranged the neural paths of my brain
so that everything runs smoother
I am not who I once was
that dark stain on my soul
has been wiped clean
bye bye shadows
bye bye cobwebs and dirt
I am not the Nathan I use to be
clarity has opened up my eyes
and I can wait forever
with a smile on my face

Peace of Mind

There is beauty every where I look now
why was I living in misery all these years
I see the vivid green of a cluster of trees
and it makes me smile
I feel life in everything I touch
every sound carries a bit of happiness with it
That phase of my life is over
passed
gone
Thanks Sister
for showing me the vicious circle
I was stuck in for 25 years
the life I was mirroring
and helping me grow up from a teenage boy
into the man I should have always been
I don't need to search for elation
it's all around me
in all the little things
So nice to smile
and not force it
So nice to laugh
and to sleep
and to be free of anger
I have love to give
and patience
and the world smiles
it smiles
it smiles

Fowler

I have figured out the secret
I know how to make the universe
collapse in on itself

and when the word comes
from that open doorway..

Regret

The universe calls
to me
now
I want a nebula
I want a moon
and a star
I want...
something I lost
because words fucking words
and this fire burns
trapped in the heart of my Sun

Touched By The Hand

Eyes wide open
I can see it all
some power has been
granted to me
i think of crystal blue oceans
and I am there
surf at my feet
I can see clearly
the frozen landscape
of Pluto
Sols rays barely barely
touching Me
i think of city streets
and I am there
in the midst of an LCD night
artificial light blanketing the stars
as loose souls bump and laugh
I can feel fully
the breaking waves on the shores
of some uncharted sand spit
i think of going off the rails
and I instead soar
the Heavens an open Door
dark dreams nevermore

Fortune Cookie

There are wiser men out there
than any of you know
and they are who we all least expect
the past picks people to speak through
and it sends shivers down the spine
when those words touch
and the earth moves
and you stand still for a second
a still photo
and then it all kicks back in
but that moment changes something
wise men who know what and when to say it

you can hear them through
open windows and doors
if you listen like children
straining to hear the voice of the Gods

Thaumaturgist

I will no longer be haunted
by this guilt
and these little
laughing devils
and flying daggers

I am free of ghosts

and the stinging in my eyes
has stopped
And I'm sealing all that shit
in a vault and sinking it in the
fucking sea

Clarity

blue skies
and apple pies
and birds on a wire
melodies that make
days seem more than bright
and stars whose light
blinks from ten thousand light years away
in perfect black skies
moon smiling back
these are things to notice
these are the things that build the foundation
sometimes its good to just breath..
and remember that you are loved

Break Of Day

I was born
and I have lived
and I have loved
and I have been fall down drunk
and I have been scared stupid
I have been the bumbling idiot
I have worn my own crown of thorns
I have hung on my own cross
I have laughed until I cried
and I have cried until I've puked
I have felt my fist on another mans face
and I have tasted my own blood
I have anger and I have great joy
I have been cruel
and I have been sorry
sorry
I have thrown caution to the wind
I have risked everything on the tumbling dice
I have been all of you at some point
I feel this world in my very roots
I feel all of you
Laugh with me
Love with me
Drink and be happy with me
It's time to get out of the shade
and walk in the Sun

Taking Turns

There was an idea
a motive a feeling
that could have walked the surface of the sun
untouched
but the words got in the way
and things went much differently
and mirrors can only show
you
reflected light and hindsight
and words float unseen in the air
and cut with their little knives
and ideas and feelings
take
     bad
           turns
it could have been something
more than an out of reach dream
more than a walking nightmare
but
    words
                  words
             words
the trouble is Antares
seems much more inviting now
that Love burns on the Sun

Astronaut's Fear of Love

I'm scared to
blow this ember
into a flame
Afraid that it
might burn my
soul too badly
this time

But last night felt
right
for the the first time
in a long time
I could smile
without forcing it

And even though
I only laid
beside you for
30 minutes
I've been walking on air since

And then I remember
it was all a dream
As my capsule rockets
effortlessly through
the cosmos

Hyde

I push my pen forward
to leak out these feelings so
they don't boil over inside
you can feel me
I know you can
on the edge of your seat
waiting for something...
Something I can't see
only feel
and I can no longer tell
if the world is real
or just in my head

roter Tinte

I awake to the red ink in my eyes
and it draws me up and out of bed
out of my dreams
that are laced with memories
and laughter

Ifrit

Time to sit and plan
out this machine
blueprints that have
been drawn out
to help
put this black hole
to rest

genie grant these last wishes
so that time
has no bearing on
this vessel
time has no
power
time loses
meaning
and
melts
to clarified butter

all these dreams
all these waking dreams
walking dreams

Banshee

Your ghosts
still try to
cling to my mind
and scream in the night
Poof
I blow you from my memory
like ash from my hands

Wednesday

He said that he could
eat all the stars from
outer space and his
hunger still would not
be satiated
and he reached out
and plucked one from
that clear night sky
a little sparkle
of light in his fat fingers
and placed it on his
tongue
smiled and then it was gone
the Universe shuttered
a bit
shifted to the North
and settled itself
This comic thing
speaks with the power
of a million burning
Suns
that he eats from
the night sky
before he sleeps in the
Dreams of children

Menispermum

What were those
words
that you said tonight
when I was out swimming in the nebula
what thing did you throw out there
while i was spring boarding off the moon
crashing down from the vacuum
I ache in the darkness
and maybe I do radiate some toxin
but it's only because the cosmos
has infected me with its
beauty

The Bottom

Rising from the ashes
there is no where to go but up now
so time to shake the newness
from these wings
and take flight

Today, As In Right Now

I tried not to do this
but tears are falling
i didn't want to cry tonight
but bad dreams
          bad dreams
      bad    bad dreams
and thoughts that push
to the front..memories
and dark things in shadow
  I tried not to       do this now
when so much time       has passed
and I had built a steel wall around
my chest
we use to be alright
what happened
     bad dreams
and an      abyss that beckons like
a cheap motel whore from
her doorway
what happened
       bad bad dreams
we use to be..
        we use
my chest aches
physically aches
I tried not to do this
tears

Dream #564

The sun crests over a hill
of avocado green grass
some where white hares
move closer to their burrows
the air has gone quiet
the rustling of spring winds
moving like invisible scythe
through the ocean of avocado
black ears and glass eyes
peek out
frozen against a rail gray
sky

Yawn

it wants to be filed
away under some
obscure science
that nobody ever
studies or even really
thinks about
that is where it feels
safe and content
among dusty pages
and ideas that
were made inert
by the coming of some new
machine or piece of
plastic
or just by leaps
of man made thought
it wants to crawl into the
past and disappear
like forgotten Gods
who wilt away
in their seaside caves
with no more incense to wake
a hunger in their
leathery bellies
this thing wants to
sleep these old ideas want peace
but Man keeps digging
and someday
things will end as abruptly
as this poem

Arcturus

moons see clearly
that the stars are so
far away
from each other
like you and I
we have very
different ideas
about all this
solar systems apart
not even in
the same galaxy
you made that clear to
me tonight
and I can barely
see your Red Giant
shining from here
on my
White Dwarf
it's a pity
space is cold

Saturday Boredom

There is a desire
to step through
the mirror
and live in a
World
where all is
reversed

But there is also
a fear
that I might
encounter my
mirror image there
and find that the
world likes
the mirror Me
very much...

And what would that
say about the real me
or
am I the mirror image
and He is the true Nathan

I feel like
that would explain
an awful lot...

Demigod

I awoke today
to find I was a star
or part of me was a star
far off
tens of thousands of years away
I could see you all
live and blink out
walking through folds
in Time's curtain
I could feel
my radiation
pulse way off in the void
but i still
taste wine
I still kiss salty lips
it's just a tiny part
of me
way out there in space
warming moons and satellites
and if you look
in the right place
at the right time
you can see my star
twinkling in the
warm suburban night
and in my head
I can see infinity

Just Gone

These streets
these southern streets
that scrub your
memory away
like steel wool
blood flows
pumping harder in
unstable veins
these streets
take the pain away
with their pools
of light every
30 feet
these streets
these southern streets
that wash clean
with July thunderstorms
that wash you away
until there is nothing left
to
hold on
to

Slipping Skyward

It's hard
making it
in today's
world
So many things
to distract us

too many prophets
calling for the
end of time
too many places
to place our
hope
our dreams

It's hard walking
streets and not
fearing the bullets
or the knives
or the devil in
their eyes
or nothing in their
eyes at all

Old Man Seizure

I thought I put
you to sleep for good
but
today you reared your
ugly head
and I bumped mine

And now I'm all
dizzy
and my vision is
screwy
hazy
I know you are
never going to let
me
live in peace
you will
always
be there to take
just a little piece of me

I hate you

Yet I Still Breathe

I am not
me anymore
or the me
before that
one
yet I still breathe
I'm lost to
you now
too distant
a memory
floating just to
the left
of starlight

My voice is not
my own
the words that
escape my mouth
come from some
other place
some other
mind

I'm ether
to all of you
  miss me
 please
it will at least
make whoever is in charge now
smile...

Modern Drug

plastic and
micro-processors
and  modems
hard drives
magnet bits
that spin
ones and zeroes
1 0  1   10  010  11
wires that feed
into machines
that output
data to
fill heads
with  magnet
bits
and   sound   bites
filth
and redemption
all  man made
    all    smiles
all     pretty
pretty

Headache

I cried myself
dry
and made my
head hurt
red eyes
dizzy mind
confused heart
deaf ears
tired lungs

I'm too much like my Mother
they tell me

Sunlight
burns
my pale
skin


like a half breed
vampire

Afraid of
his monster
but still
lusting the blood
the taste of skin

Untitled # 25

You have become a ghost
to me
even though
I know you
still breathe air
and consume water
you have become
a whispered voice
echoing in my ear
A dream
A memory
A lingering touch

You have become a ghost
to me
even
though
2 miles away
you sit
watching television
with you head in your hands


dreams
            dreams 
                                     dreams

Right Now

phantom fingers
reaching in
to slide over
the brain
feeling far
off
distance and meaning
i can travel time
that secret is
nothing new
you have become
ether
lost to the
static        and
the cell waves
faint on the corner
of some bright
horizon       faltering
wavering
like mirage lakes
on summer streets

funny how
it all comes back up
and then running out
on a Thursday night
and There are thoughts that
shouldn't be so prevalent
and phantom fingers
stirring up
memories
and things
that were
better         when they
were sleeping

Untitled #20

And when the
snakes came
to slither
away with
Love and
Harmony
the sunflowers
wept black tears
into needy soil
small dogs chased their
tales
Carelessness and Pity
lighted on the fence
to chatter aimlessly
Patience stuck it's
head in
the sand
birds threw their
eggs from the nest
angry cats fought openly
in the streets
Reason..seeing no
point in any of it
swallowed rat poison
Melody swam to the bottom
of the lake
so beware my friends
beware of snakes

Chameleon

I have unzipped
this life
and I step out of
it
like a bad runway
model
waiting for the
next skin
to step into
the next face
to wear
the next lie
to live

Bent Spoon

Hesitate and wait
until the moment is right
for the world is too close
to swallowing me whole tonight

Eat and drink
and think of the smoke
for the air is so clouded
and I'm tired of this joke

Laugh and sing
until you roll and cry
don't hold back the joy
don't make me try

The mating game
has lost it's thrill
but a new lust burns
In my souls winter chill

October 1995

Some Day Off

Black boots on the floor
All of these noisy whores
Fly away to Pennsylvania
escape this latent psycho-mania
Every Day I...


April 1995

Franjesca, Tie Me Up...

Backseat driving with
your mind in your crotch
voice ringing through the clear air
complaining about how the commercials
all say the same thing about different stuff
and I personally have had enough

Strange animals live in your mind
I know you can't unwind
but it's time for bed
the monsters are awake
and need to be fed

I don't want to hear about
the train station in your heart
I can't stand the handcuffs
that hold me here
chained to your glass bed
the only dark spot
on this virgin wall

Franjesca, don't worry about tears
only tiny bits of dwarf stars
the tree's rush by
in pine scented air
Do you know our location..
our destination
Lost in a trial of our Mothers
are you the Judge or my
Public Defender

Sleeping on the couch again
help me to write a letter to send
I'm melting on the hot water heater
to shy away from public feeders

Hang Him, Fry Him, Tie Him Up
and Infect Him
Franjesca please don't run
I'll sleep in my bed soon
Take me then, take me then
while I sleep, Dream, sleep
Dream...

Tunnels and lights
criminal heights
Want me, Want me
Show me that you want me

February 1995

Untitled #19

Pen and paper
burning ash
a heart that is beating
way too fast
A rhyming poem
that will never last
but still
leaves a mark
in some distant past

Calm Before The Storm

It starts with a light breeze
and then a stronger gust
a drop
of rain
then two
four
the downpour
has started
As pollen gets washed away
and the humid air
Breaks
Spilling blood into
the sewer drains

Work

I sit here
a Million Miles
away
listening to something
that I don't really
understand
Nor do I care to
mind floating through
the pages of a novel
while some tech guy
or developer
drones on about
the latest software update
And they are all so
Excited
So eager to know
and I just want to
be on the other side
of the window
Among the trees
smelling the grass
not caged up like
some zoo animal (cubicle monkey)
not walled in like some drone

Broken Halo

I see ghosts
when I turn my
head
and empty wine
bottles and
shattered dreams
I wake up
to another day
of solitude
and waiting
for things to change
for this train to
leave the station
to no longer have
to hide this love
under a pillow
where it suffocates
where it struggles
to breathe

Saturday Morning

I don't care anymore
I don't care
if the sun rises in the sky
or if it sets in the evening
I don't care anymore
if the fishes swim in the sea
if the stars fall from space
if worms eat the bones
I don't care anymore
about me
or them
I don't care anymore
if this air is breathable
if sleep comes
I don't care anymore
if these dreams are
true
if these empty cans
and broken emotions
lie on the floor
I don't care anymore
I don't care anymore
I don't care anymore about
gas polluting the atmosphere
about empty songs
on the radio
I don't care anymore
about plastic knickknacks
or clean clothes
or unkempt hair
I don't care anymore
about sex
or drugs
if the tears just
fall from my eyes
I don't care anymore
if you laugh and point
I don't care
anymore
because caring
has brought
this emptiness
this hurt
so better to
just wake and
go through the motions

Shards of the Glass Rainbow

I sit here
breathing out my cancer into the air
while the elderly pound away at my door
1:00 am
I can see her there
through the blue unfiltered haze
And I want to touch her with all my heart
but it is never quiet

And I feel so dirty
inhale, exhale
forever breathing this air

Here I sit
scribbling my nerves on paper
watching her perfect form

2:00 am
lying here beside her
the warmth of her touch

And I'm so dirty
polluted with my poison
that seems to burn all I touch

The phone sex vampire
tried to claim me over the receiver

Free Me

There is a boy in black
outside my window
making love to his coat
As she strokes my mind gently
and lets me hold on

The paper cuts my finger
the knife burns my heart
I feel like I'm stopping
before it even starts

3:00 am
the stars shine so brightly
the moon burns my skin
I want to kiss you slowly
savor your gentle touch

Here I sit
exhaling my cancer into the air
through clouds of smokey Death
I see you lying there
no more elderly to knock away the silence
no more phone sex temptress to steal away my love
no more nightmares of glass
all shattered
I sit here
watching you, kissing you
if only in my mind
if only in my head


October 1994

Untitled # 18

I can not see
past this
I can not get
my head around
the facts
I can not produce
any more
like a discarded
corn husk
Useless now that
the kernels have been
exposed
I guess the question
that remains is:
What was I hiding inside
that has now
popped

Blast Off!

There is room
in space
but no oxygen
to scream
there is thought
that bounces back
between dwarf stars
and imploding suns

there are colors
never imagined
on Earth that
paint landscapes
we can only dream

There is room
in space
for all the silence
in this world
All the silence
I could ever need

Untitled Dream #305

A plain of perfect
round boulders
that little rabbits
dance among
tiny blades of grass
cut the clouds
like green scissors

A Few Words on the Success of My Failure

There was a time
when pockets were
never
empty
and worrying
about
paying bills
was never an issue

But the grave has
been dug
and I must lay
here
while dirt slowly
covers my
feet
knees
wrists
arms
face
leaving no trace
that a man
thrived
on this spot
where daisies
now grow

I can not Breathe

There is barbwire
twisted around
my spinal column
slowly creeping
like a metal
vine
up into my brain
and out to my
limbs
to shred away
any trace of
the man
I now am
so to turn
me
into the
Monster
I must become
to live through
this hail
of bullets

10 Seconds

He saw through broken glass
something that called to him
and should he risk
a cut
a swell of blood
on his skin

Friday Night Freestyle

The walls have faded out
i don't know who I am anymore
i can feel another me pushing
in the back of my brain mind skull
i can feel the pressure in my eyes
self just breathing away
thoughts fractured but
quick incomplete
the walls have faded out
i dont knnow whooo i A M

Thursday Daydream

I sit here
wrapped in a world
of sound and light
While my mind
walks jungle paths
that I have never
tread
A biosphere that
I dream about
on a almost
nightly basis

So it seems now
that my dreams tickle me
even while I'm awake

How long before I just
fade away
walk away
into that dream

Home Repair

I feel like there
is a
Phillips head screwdriver
stuck in the back
of my skull
and someone just
keeps turning it to
the right
as if to screw
their ideas
deeper into my
brain

One Year Plus

right now my heart aches in the cavity of my chest
and my mindrunslikethiswiththewords
all
jumbled
and only a few
seconds
of staccato
beforethetrainpicksup
speed
andthoughtsjumplike
water drops in
May
all i wanted was a kiss
today

and eventhatwastoomuch
to wish
for

Nearly the End of Existence

Times wasting as we talk
looking out from mechanically drawn
cold shadows
these precise lines
where flies balance on the edge
of light and dark
the sticky sweet
The wind that blows over and around

Why won't the words come
flooding down my arm
like old charms
what has changed

How simple it would be to
blow out this candle
and watch you all tumble into
Space

Untitled #4

That's the way he studies it
slowly and silently
yet this thing is killing me
eating me from the belly out
So I can't find my place
in this competitive world
with this smell that invades
And I hate
And I
And I hate
And I

And I wanna die
get high

And I gotta cry
just to get bye

HardWare

I've got enough secrets to make the C.I.A blush
and at the peak of night it makes my blood rush
don't come near I don't like to be touched
and once again I use my insanity as a crutch

STUD

You only want to know me
because everyone else does
You really don't know what's
behind these eyes
and if you touch me again
I'll make you eat that metal in your face

Pink Cotton Dress

Who is She?
A free spirit blown in on
a June wind
Gone when fall appears
here to tear the tears
from impatient eyes

Laughing in dark halls
dancing in the shadows

Who is She?
lost innocence or past
childhood dreams
or both in one
hear to rip the voices
from ripened throats

smoking in the attic
rolling in the dust

Who is She?
that carries her dagger
to put poison in veins
and sugar on lips

kissing the pain
twisting the knife

Who is He?
fresh and lovely
waiting to taste golden fruit
watering seeds that shouldn't have
been sown

silent to the moan
blind to the last

Blank

I saw them kill your Mom on the highway
so I told them all the usual lies
but dead minds can only try hard to produce
and it was all over their heads

Still maybe I just cracked my skull
and when I wake up
You'll all be gone

Untitled #5

I'm free man
no need to torture the truth
out of me
I'll simply and plainly
say it
And dance on the grave you
dig for it

Untitled #17

Sliding glass dreams
wind blowing rain
against panes
like demons, scratching
their claws against the sky

Untitled #16

These words that
are stuck behind
the window shades
struggling to make
it to paper

have been spinning
and mixing
trying so hard

Two A.M.

Phone dead and silent
wishing I was dreaming
of Victorian house populated
with people I don't know
yet

Stinking of anger
and confusion
things better left unsaid
looking at surface bruises
but feeling a hurt that
hides from naked eye

Shit man
you brought this on
yourself
did you think this
would be easy
carefree and sunny
breaking hearts
bad karma
and you already had plenty
of it to spare

now I sit here
wondering if my mind
will ever stop spinning
if teetering on this edge
may really lead to a big fall

2 A.M. and sleep
seems further from me
then I have ever known
it to be

Love seems hollow
and empty
Days seem dry
and tasteless

And flying seems
effortless and eternal

The Forever Men

While you were there
And I was here
Spilling my blood in the humid air
While a mirror image of myself
Walked upon the ocean
I was put upon a shelf
And with a pearly white smile
and sharp vampire teeth
She kissed me and told me lies
She kissed me and told me lies
But I put on a happy face
I turned my frown upside down
Turned my emotions all around
When she said I love you
Love you more than life
There was a smile upon her face
Sharp and painful as a knife
How could I believe someone
With white hot needle teeth
With clear complexion
With eyes of a thief
She made me walk on glass
Made me scar my feet
Spilled my blood in the humid air
While I was here
And you were there
I was afraid to look in the mirror
For fear I should see
Something of a terror
Something deep inside me
There is nothing you can teach me
That I don't already know
For you I put on a happy face
I put on a false face
Only for you my love
Only for you my dear
Tell me something I don't know

I am the last of the Forever Men
With my cold heart
And complex emotions
I'm an alcoholic spirit
I'm a forever soul
I don't care
I don't care
About your relations
I'm old
Much older than any of you
I am a Forever Man
And I am a hero
And a realm of horror
All at once
I don't care
About the future
For I have seen the past
There will always be a future
Slightly out of the presents grasp
I'm the cascading warrior
Charging on my steed
Stealing all you dreams away
And claiming them for me
I'm the last of the Forever Men
The only one to survive
Because all my feelings
Are cold hearted and dry
I am the Forever Man
That lets no one in
And when my Forever soul
Flies off to the stars
This Hollow Man
This Empty Man
Will simply wilt and die

While I was here
And you were there
Fat Cerberus had his fill
Tearing away the masks
Tearing away the shell
While I was
The sky got painted red
And Santa Claus was pronounced dead
While I was here
Spilling my blood
Heaven came crashing down
And the angels all became
Foolish circus clowns
While I was here
And you were there
Spirits rose from the dead
I faced conflicts from the past

I write tears, I write tears
This is spilled blood
This is spilled soul
While you were there
I carried burdens on my back
Behold, Behold
This world has become old
Weep, Weep
You are all fatted sheep

I am the Winged Man
Who guards the vast sky
But my wings are frail
And I am ready to die
My wings are broken and frail
And I'm about to die

While you were there
And I was here
The dream wilted away
I feel empty
Like a vast black hole
Eating away the souls
Of the faces I meet
I'm a new face
With an old mind
While you were there
And I was here
The dreams turned to nightmares

I am the Wrinkled Man
Who has seen the eyes
Who has seen the ages
Who has passed through
The decades
I knew everything
But I've forgotten it all
I am the Wrinkled Man
With ringing ears
And fading sight
I am the Wrinkled Man
I must sleep, goodnight
The tired old man
I must sleep, goodnight

While you were there
And I was here
They buried away the trash
They burned the compost
While I was here
They all gathered around my bed
While you were there
I was pronounced dead

I am the Reborn Man
A phoenix of sorts
Lazarus come back from the dead
I am the Reborn Man
I must live again
I will live again

While I was there
And you were here
I became the humid air
I became the humid air



July 16-19, 1992

Tueday Morning Once Again

There are hopes and
there are dreams
and there is a world
that is more than it seems
and there are scribbles
in a little red book
and a girl who drowns
my heart in a babbling brook

I try and try
to make things right
and to make my point
with out starting a fight
but my words fail me
as they fall to the floor
to break and shatter
leaving her needing something more

Something that is more
than I can give
it's a daily struggle
to live the life I live
So I make a wish
to just freeze time
as the words compete
to make this rhyme

Untitled #11

To Hell with this
I said
and threw my beer
in his face
knowing full well
I was going to get
my ass beat
I was going to
feel pain
taste blood
know I was alive

too many little
stab wounds
in my side
it's ok for
everyone
else
to be imperfect

But God forbid
I should make
a mistake

Wish Cupid
would just
go and choke

Who Laughs Last?

When there is nothing left to say
When we've said the last goodbye
Why must you poke fun in this way
When I'll only make you cry...

Leaders Of Men

Listen to the mind
Listen to the soul
The twisted cage of pain
the forgotten dried out memory

Listen to the heart
Listen to the voice
We will tell you
who you are
and what to think

Listen to us carefully
Listen while you can
and if you listen carefully
you might become a Man

This Has Noting To Do With Any Of You

Should I blow out
that passionless flame?
Do I dare disturb the universe?
I've smelled the haunting fragrance
the one that circles round the nose
and traces the face
I've smelled it in the air and it
Lingers, never dying
I've tasted the staleness
In every word they speak
In every breath we take
Staleness in every kiss I received
I heard music playing softly
the tune of an eternal dirge
playing softly for us all
Death's little love song
Walking, I've heard among the
stolid crowds
Whispers of what life is like
Above the bustle and shouting
I heard distant whispers, calling
In short I was amazed
The fingers touched me
so cold, cold as death
they caressed my hair
they shouted in my ear
they shouted sweet nothings
they felt pleasure, passionless
and alone they left me
Stinking of disgust
Not happy or satisfied at all
Do I dare? Do I dare?
disturb that universe?
to break the shielded sky?
to breathe freshness?
to blow out that flame?
Do I dare shatter?
Can I shatter? That stone cold column
I've seen the deadness, the lost expressions
I've seen all
Don't formulate me
I can't be pinned down
I've already begun
I've felt the static
in everything I touch
It shocked me
and sent warmth into my cold pen
I descended the stair
and found it easier to walk away
I've walked unlit streets
and heard the calling whispers
Hinting, calling me away
Do I dare? Do I dare?
follow the whispers
Do I dare walk away from
the paved path
Do I dare deviate from the course
I've celebrated the seasons
and found them empty and tasting of pepper
Not sugar coated at all
I've celebrated them with
thin expressions fixed to fat faces
Do I dare blow out the flame?

I've watch time slip by
slowly like a damned river
Time moved slowly but we moved quickly
and still time beat us all
I've felt you all dying
Your essence slipping toward the sky
Do I dare? Do I dare to fly?
And I've heard those whispers
calling me away
Do I dare stay?
I've seen the lights flicker
so quickly it's hard to catch
I've felt the pull, I've felt the attraction
And I question, is this passion?
When all you have seen is one side
How can you file us away?
When my skin is dry and cracked
that is when I'm soft
I've seen the angels dueling
Heaven losing it's peace
I've heard the door closing
and the books ending
I whimpered "I'm afraid. I'm afraid!"
Do I dare? Do I dare follow
those tempting whispers?
I promise you I promise
I blew as hard as I could
do I dare blow harder
Should I watch the slaughter?
And lying in bed I've heard them
whispers calling me.
It raised the hair on my neck
but I turned and ascended the stair
I walked in the door.
And with their blank stare, they gasped at me
They told me to shave
They told me how to behave
and when I cut my chin
the white arsenic skin, had the color of red
Do I dare to cut
my Samson hair?
I've heard them on unlit streets
I've awoke to burning skies
While they all told me lies
Do I dare have Medusa
turn upon me her stare?
I've been trapped in the spotlight
Watched all alone, poked and examined
And even there I heard whispers
Do I dare run away?
So when I finally turned to
see who was there whispering
My eyes met my eyes
I heard whispers no more
Do I dare turn away from
that mirror image?
Should I die in your arms?
Would that set off alarms?
Will that flame ever perish?
Do I dare set fire to my soul?
Should I burn more coal?
And when I awoke
to that cruel cruel joke
I didn't question why
I didn't dare ask why.


May 28-29 1992

Faces in the Rain

Faces in the rain
since that day
life won't be the same
When you left me
dripping wet

The Night Sun

The night sun rose in a black star sky
the shades of gray fell on the ground
the streetlight shined red on a body of mine
air smothered all sounds like silencer
air chocked all movement
The light of a passing moon on the highway
No sound the air chocked it
the thought of another body in the red light
just a thought
as another moon passes
and still no sound
yet another phases
another change
The dark black sky drawn out by some unseen hand
the blanket over his mouth, his nose
as the box swings to and fro
phase upon phase
the change continues
The sky lightened by an unseen eraser
A song plays the melody. to and fro
as the light from yet another passing moon
the thought moves on the song
the night sun falls, as the day moon rises
the sky lighter, phase upon phases
the song moves back to the thought
to and fro
the light chocked all sight
to the sound of a sun passing on the highway
the light continued to choke the sight
As a body of mine stand in a telephone both
A thought of a voice on the other end
Just a thought
As I hear the sound of another passing sun

Future

Yesterday I saw a new moon rising
it's orange glow made the sky radiate
Yesterday I saw a new sun rising
It reminded me of my first liquor
I was in a stream of multicolor
And I floated away into the clouds
It took me to a world of purple skies
a world of purebred imagination
Yesterday I saw a new god ruling
His voice was like a cloudburst in my ear
I strained but could not hear the music
Please do not pray for your life, do not pray
Yesterday I saw a new man dying
His last breath wheezing out his pink lungs
They carried his body away to burn
Yesterday around the corner I found
a new World brewing with colors and life
A world of purebred imagination
Today I saw a brand new life living
and I made a wish it was me

Rhyme and Time and Harmony

If I am the poet, will you be my Muse?

I walked with nature tonight
I could hear her boot heels in time with my step

for the first time a real voice on the wind
I could see real arms pulling me in

If I am the poet, will you be my Muse?

there is a place inside of me
where I hide

so isolated from the world
mother nature won't you call me

reach out and touch me
embrace me
melt me

mother nature won't you love me

If I am the poet will you be my Muse?

Restless Words

Old photographs hung
in a building where
the orchestra played
to an empty concert hall
Old photographs, yellow around the edges
the noon day sun and the midnight hour
are no different here
the clocks ran down long ago
She touched me softly
but it was all wrong
it was stiff and uncaring
"Come closer" she whispered
but I couldn't and I told her so
She looked at me hurting and wanting
but it was all wrong
And I walked among more...
more burnt out fires
More heavy women
they all asked me to love
while they cooked their husbands...
cooked their husbands dinners
The building was so vast
Like it held the entire universe
Infinity times 3
The empty stage
with solitary spotlight
Forever burning on
That dark haunting stage
I stepped into the spotlight
Looked out and spoke
I spoke my restless words.

Nightcrawler

Do you want me to say something beautiful
or do you want me to say how I feel?
I'm sick of competing
Sick of...
breathing in stale air
Sick of my ears bleeding
with this noise
Why is it never quiet?
In this old book
this dragged out story
Time to pull out the stops
Time to laugh until we die
It's time for something new
something a little less bright
and with a lot more bite
It may shock us
with things bold and new
So do you want beautiful
or do you want reality?
Tell me so I know
what story to tell or write
Something slightly neutral won't do
It's time for something new
Yes it's time for something new

July 12, 1992

Brain Storm 1992

I am wet with thought
the thunder is loud
the mirrors are reflecting
over and over
Am I bleeding?
Am I bleeding?
Oh. God forgive me
for all the things I've said
Oh, Lord forgive me

I was watching through the knot-hole
When Death came to call
I was watching
My mind was blank
For all the things I've known
My mind was blank
Let my punishment be light
Let the snakes be deadly
Forgive Me

Forgive me
for not being
everything
Am I bleeding?
Take me home
Take me home
Oh, God forgive me.
I was in love
when it all happened
How ironic
Please take me home
To the place I belong
Forgive me, forgive me

I was bleeding
bleeding love
Forgive me forgive me
Will you let me in to Heaven?

August 1-4, 1992

Ouiet Thoughts

somber intelligence
quiet thoughts
waiting to be used
wanting to kill
with their content
wanting to be set free
wanting to be fed
to minds that can not
comprehend the true
meaning of the speaker
wanting to sting with imposed
sarcasm

The Worlds We Visit

The darkness of night
The peace that it brings
The memories and thoughts
That we think in a world where
Movement of the slightest catches all attention
The worlds we visit
in our heads during the darkness
The images that open up before
Our minds
The time that moves slower than a clock
As the clock ticks
The feelings that are
released during this time
The feelings that brood in our inner personality
The evil that taunts us on
The evil that taunts us on

Steal Away

The underlying theme
made so clear
like a song ringing through
the cold winter sky
Clear, crisp and concise

A haunting thought, a haunting...
a haunting rite of passage

Murder in the kitchen
the teapot screams
Something is in the water
and we don't know what it is
I don't know who you are

Look out, the hidden eyes
are watching

Realize the compromise
and watch what you say
the air is full of ears
the air is full of dirt

Steal away, this place is not safe

Can my lady see me
Oh lady can you see me
The white tiger cries
And I don't know who you are

Whispers
the lies are being told

There is a lost child
a ghost of memories
And if you'll say you will...

I do not know, know
know the rite of passage

There are laws that say
"This can not be, this can not be!"
Yet it is, without question,
it is
not a question
I do not know you anymore

Turn around and kiss me
Turn around and kiss me
Turn around and kiss me
Kiss me goodbye

Untitled #10

And one day
he just walked away
walked away from
the T.V. and the car
walked away from the
1/4 million dollar house
and fancy appliances
that he really didn't need
walked away from the
distractions
And he just walked
West or sometimes
South, maybe North
taking a job when he could
or had to
drinking in dirty
holes in the wall
with dirtier men and women
not trying, just living
just breathing
tossing old bottles
against brick walls
and sleeping under stars
getting mugged and
mugging
transforming, changing
fading away
into a dark American Dream

Untitled #15

My mind
My mind
my moronic mind
that does not listen
to my heart
and makes me say
things I only should
have thought

A Snippet

Risk the Storm
for one more day
Angels are only here
to take hope away
Flee the sword
flee the cross
swim in mud
breathe in chalk

Brewing for 3 Days

Sad eyes
please smile and shine
Bluebird, Oh Bluebird
please be mine
And what if I
just disappeared one day
and left all of you
wondering
was I really real
or just a figment
a Ghost
who left strange
memories and
loose scribblings on
notebook paper
scattered love in
autumn leaf piles

Dirty hash marks
that are hard to read
and thoughts that just
run...
on and on
lost poems
and feelings
Sad eyes
please dry those tears
Angel, Oh Angel
I'll destroy all your fears

Humid Apparition

Th end of summer is here
rain and thick humid air
and I am stuck somewhere
between destruction and despair
and silent words that hang in space
and curl and wrap around your face
and leave us both in a state of disgrace
torpedoes rushing toward my heart
to sink these feelings before they start
destroying my failing and tainted art
Oh Death Oh Death your black wings beat
to leave me lying and bleeding in distant streets
to put me wrapped in funeral sheets
and now my mission is complete
and the angels sing her name

the angels sing her name
a distant haunting heavenly strain
and still my soul is yet to remain
to haunt this southern town

Untitled #12

Trying to get
back
back
back
to that person I was
when youth
seemed forever
when drunken
nights
and
play acting
seemed to last
and last
when heart was
light as feather
light as air
no troubles no care
and do I dare
to sleep in my bed again
to dream of golden strands
on my pillow
to wish for that fairy touch
to wake my slumbering soul
or should I just sell it all
for a pot of gold

Wet Sand Footprints

And the waves part
And the sunsets
And my Heart soars
with Angel wings
dreams that seem
So real
and I wonder
if I live in a
Reality
that isn't real
if I kid myself
kid myself
kid myself
and the waves
crash back
in
And I drown

Silver Plated Love

The phone rang through the
stillness of the room
Like some obscure art form
of long ago
An unexplored voice over the
receivers electric buzz
Channels of thought flow over
brain caverns
A million naked babies
are dancing on the moon

Welcome to the world of
the silent masses
The corridors of time
searched
The Messiah is coming
are ready
Looking past us, lifeless and hollow
a wave of thyme

Drifting and saluting
the crimson tide
Mulberry bushes and lost
nursery rhymes
Faces flushed and embarrassed
stockings round your ankles
Listen to the rhythmic feet
of one million naked babies
dancing on the moon
Don't question this, my love
this is beyond us
This is beyond the ancient sea
Beyond you and me
To say this heart
has not suffered
To say that one silent vow
was not offered
And in the silent moments
of the rising moon
I saw a silver arrow
stick my shriveled heart
Now the stillness of my life
is broken by the phone
I must find the secrets
of this
This unexplored voice,
this hidden purpose
And still the little ones
are eating at my soul

This spring of my life
has been invaded
By a cold winter wind
blowing through my thoughts
I miss the warm ideas
I use to have
But I built up this wall and now
There is no salvation
And still the little ones
Are eating at my soul
What of wedding vows
and wet kisses
What of lacy valentines
and pretty poems
Love songs are so old
and so common
And the world is full
Of half-truths and lunatics

Were those soft lips
too good to be true?
Was I dreaming
was I deceived
Isn't it funny that there
are no emotions
There are no truths
Only a million naked babies
dancing on the moon...

Evolutions

The evolutionary cube
has many flavors
controls minds
eats souls
rips memories
plays colors
talks nonsense
bleeds green
melts blue
drips red
flashes yellow
releases time
loves nothing
grows quickly
listens attentively
adds correctly
pokes fun
has many flavors
many lives
many ends

Anthrax

Can't you see I'm on fire
burning from the inside
watching all my best laid plans
curl away in smoke
causing others to choke
and swear
Proving once again
that if I cry
I don't really care

Why don't you take a swim
inside my head
just to see
all the feelings I left
for dead
All the thoughts that swarm
and are never quiet
just some literary riot

Personal Condemnation 1997

Here I remain
chained
locked
stuck
Lost in a past I can't change
or rearrange
always the same
and I'm to blame
for the pain
or the rain
or the fact that I'm insane
And I'll never be free
from this monkey on me
this weight only I feel
that only I make real
now it's five years
since all was lost
since I paid the cost
none will understand
that I feel not like a man
but a ghost
following a lonely coast
leading to those I miss most
Here at the end
of a rope
no more Hope
swinging
I choke

Corporate Dreams

Here we are again
stuck with pen
and paper
smelling of smoke
gagging not to choke
lost in some empty talk
to lazy to walk
to jaded to believe
that we are so naive
as they chatter away
take us to a better place
void of this rat race
which is slowly killing
all the feeling
that use to live
inside, never to forgive
the lies we were told
about growing old
and growing up
about boiling over

Blood in the Toilet

Free falling black days
from someplace far away
leaks tonight, bleeds tonight
So I flee tonight
to see again
to breathe again

Twisting and turning
running from the light
and the chill I feel
How to break the unbreakable seal
the power which is not real

These dark days
that emotions play
raises the hair on my arms
filled with succubus charms
somewhere amidst the silent alarms
So I flee
to taste again
to touch again

And I can not see past
the smoke and the ash
the sweet smell of tobacco mixed with hash
I feel like I'm falling
and falling fast

These angel wings are useless
making me struggle for something fruitless
caught red handed with my guard down
a flailing silly little clown
watching his ship run aground

What happens when you can't grow up
won't grow up
hurts so bad you throw up

And here they come
asking questions again
trying to steal my pen
So I freak tonight
So I break tonight
flee tonight
to breath again
to see again

try so hard to wash away
buy it always comes back to play
to laugh at you
to leer at you
to remember you

it always comes to remember you
like you were before
with you Angel wings
standing ready at eternity's door
thinking you need nothing more
and so you soar

And so you fall
so they break your balls
and all the time you wish
for those pleasant halls

Driftwood

We have been between
the low and high ides
the sand has shifted
beneath our feet
the knife has cut
our robes
Are we the better for it?

Nothing changes
the same routine
We have learned
that change is chaotic
We choose chaos
There is no progression
in routine
there is no change
we choose chaos

We have been between
the rock and the hard place
the squeezing
We have learned
the beauty of life
the graceful birth
We have learned
change brings chaos
chaos brings progress
progress brings power
power brings life
life brings death

We have been between
love and hate
We have learned to kill
to cut, we have learned death
the consquences
We have learned from nature
this is change, this is the thirst

We have been
the low and high tides
We are the riders on the wind
We are the ones who call you
We are the ones who call you

We have been the dreams
We have been the wings
We have been...
the crown of thorns
are We the better for it?
We are the inner eye
We are the ones who call you
We have been and always
will be the dreams
are We the better for it?
Is it human nature?

Prussian Bazaar

Brittle
like ice on tree limbs
I broke it
crashing on the ground

Fool

Mr. Jim
you are a god

amazing

Call me up and melt me
I want to...

It's freezing
like ice on the tree limbs

Tomorrow is a new day
like sunshine
melting broken glass

meet me at the crossroads
we'll head off
to the Prussian Bazaar

delights and riches
sold for souls
look for me
intermixed with the crowd
selling hearts and minds
today could bring me down
or take me soaring

Meet me on Maple street
and we'll walk to Jupiter

I wanted to love her
but there are lots of things
I can't do right
and that seems to be one

I sold my soul
at the Prussian Bazaar
to some king of old

And I must play out
my life like a pawn
in a simple board game

Or
is this all my euphoric dream
my strange hallucination
my transparent thoughts

Or
am I nothing but
the dream of something else

Round Three

"You're a bad person."
He said
and that earned
him the Grand Prize
of my foot
in his balls
As he crumbled
to the floor
I thought
maybe he is right
I had become
an adept liar
a selfish jerk
and it dawned on me
that I was an Older Man
living a Younger Man's life
As his friends tackled me
and began to pummel
but that's Life
Blood and Bruises
and six feet of
dirt
over your head

Page Turner

Going crazy again
like good old Ezra
thoughts mashing like potatoes
in my skull
buttery and warm
thinking awful things one
Minute
and elated the next
Second
as the digital clock
ticks away time
and keeps everything
nice and clean
in fifteen minute increments

Going crazy again
like a character from Alice
We are all mad here
you know
we all float down here
in the dregs
bottom feeders leech our lives
and pills fuel our days
And I wonder
about wandering
about breaking chains
and fleeing cells
about setting free
this heart that beats
so hard against
my breast bone

Going crazy again
like so many that
have come before
and will come after
Screaming our souls
into the night sky
to try and free the
Beast
that rages in our minds
and hearts

Give me wine
give me music
give me love
on a cheap china plate
anything but this rush of blood
and colliding of thoughts
colliding of galaxies

Field Trip

Ran away with misery
just for the company
wrote it in red
on the Glass window pane
something about you and me
Take apart what you are
just to see all I am
just to wonder what it's been
a game we played for money
more than fun

Ran away with misery
just for the company
but we only made it a mile
before I turned back
before I collapsed
something about you and me
put me in the dirt
wide eyed and scheming

Untitled #5

The phone rang
and its sound cut through the air
landing in his ear
Forever
or
at least for that moment

Spiderman

So this is the end
My heart you rend
my one true best friend
and once again
It's my nightmare self to comprehend
As I feel you slip away
I try to get closer everyday
through the affection I display
or the words I say

but if words were weapons
I'd already be dead
bleeding and wounded
from the things you said
and I guess it doesn't matter
who you take to your bed
or maybe this is a product
of my irrational head
or maybe just a puddle
from a mild brainstorm
I'm no longer hot
only lukewarm

Lost Some Hope Today

I've got the answers
to all the questions you have
box me up and send me home

Escape from the dream world
back to reality
write your story and sell it for a million

The curtain of mystery
pulls back at my command
weave webs to catch truths

Get the answers
to all your doubts
box me up and send me home

Civilization

I must plant the seed.
I must!
I must make whole
my tattered soul.
I must plant the seed!

I am digging in the sand
for the water underneath.
I must make whole
this desert land.
I must plant the seed!

I must unfurl my wings,
to ride the dry winds.
I have to be free
to plant my seed.

I must find the heart
to spare you the pain.
Hunt for fertile ground
and plant the seed.
Plant the seed.
I must plant the seed!

My life is but a scribble
in the history of this world.

May 28th 1992

I have tried and tried
to push away the ghosts
and search for a way to raise the dead
I've tried to awake my dead eyes
those stagnant pools of old tears
others have tried to open my secrets
and I've pushed them all away
in someway or another I've pushed them
all away
I've written all my memories
written all my fears
I tried to write them all away
years of total denial
to say I'm alright
I've been loud, loud as all of them
in a way it covered it all up
the ghosts won't leave me alone
they persist and haunt
they push my pen on and on
maybe, a year ago, in that coffin
they also buried me
or maybe
I've just written myself away

Let Me

I am withered
and I am old
I don't flash and shine like I use to
There is a redness to the Moon tonight
Something is not right

I am tired and I am lost
The game has run its course
and something has touched me
grabbed hold and shook me
double double toil and trouble
I've been placed in a see through bubble

listen..listen do you hear
there is cotton in my ears
potatoes are growing from my ears

and I am close
so close
Let me let me let me
in

and love is old and the fire is cold
and through it all my heart was sold
and now and now the story has been told
and this storyteller is dying

Stormy Me

the stormy sky breaks my...
concentration
as broken fragments of what i use to be...
fall on paper
tiny little poems written to destroy...
everything i've gained

Shifting

I hate this pen
and I hate this paper
and I hate these feelings
that come sooner than later
I hate these eyes
that stare back from
the mirror
and I hate this
devil that lives
inside
who laughs and laughs
while I cry and cry

My bad hand writing
and my aching poets
heart
and feelings that end
before they start

And I hate
that I'm not
strong enough to
break free from
this four walled fate
and I hate that
I'm always sorry too late

Cold Day In May

I came home
to
ants
crawling in my
bathroom
and my
heart
still beating
and broken
on the floor

As I pour
my life
out
through this
pen
I feel like
everything is moving
changing
shifting
and I'm
stuck
in the same
place
and
time

And my feelings
are all jumbled
in my stomach
and my chest
is filled
with
dust

And there are
ants
in my bathroom
and a toilet
that always runs
like my mind
never stopping
never ceasing

While
my heart
lies bruised
and broken
on the living room
floor
pumping my life
blood into the carpet

My dog barks
at shadows
my dreams
are thin blue
visions
or hard red
nightmares

and there are
ants
crawling
in my
brain
and eating
away at my
core

And I love
And I Love
AND I LOVE

And I lose
And I Lose
AND I LOSE

my heart lies
broken on the floor
pumping my very
soul into
the cold
recycled
air

Nicotine Whore

Something to forget
I made this and
put it aside
out of mind

Animal tempts to temptation
free from the sound
free from the bars
home free and tardy
I long for yesterday
but I live for
tomorrow

And I laugh at the
fool I make
the shit I give
loving a life to live
metaphors to deep to read
minds are freed

Like a constant theme
the complaints I spew
from one bleeding heart
to the few
who bitch and slander
to always always
always

I made this
shaped this
and now I must
break this

faster to see
slower to think
thick with the drink
the pain
the feel

But as always, you all know
none of this is
real

Strider

In an attempt to gain control
was forced to sell my soul
for a paycheck and a hole
in the ground
And that's where they found
what they thought was the sound
of my voice
silent and deadly was my choice
up and away in a silver Rolls Royce
Straight for the sun
cigarette in one hand the other a gun
Always somewhere to run
always more road
transmitting my unbroken code
finding someone to unload
this product I must sell
the Devil's own path to Hell
telling the secrets I'm not to tell
Putting in the ear
what no one wants to hear
filling Angels with fear
as they scream for the sky
gotta try
one more sigh
one more night
this highway sight
more bad feeling to fight
to keep at bay
the substance of which I can not say
forgot long ago how to pray
And what salvation would it be
from this wall between all of you and me
or some exile at sea
this fear on which you dine
though through no fault of mine
everything is fine
everything is fine

Resist

I'm only here because I fucked up
and I'm ready to leave
maybe South again
but never North
never back

What is a man
should we be
all we can
or all we are?

So I've been twisting
away from the future
with every step I take

To finally find out
that shadows are so
You can see the knife finally
falling in your back

But laughing like you all
blinding myself so
happiness is all I believe

To remind myself to eat
to sleep
to smile

remind my self to cut the strings
that pull my body out
of bed

And I want you all
to be me now
to be me now
to be me now

Incomplete Wish for New Ends

Even as the sun shines
upon the shadowed trees
and it gets grayer inside
Even as the cool breeze blows
and the debt and holes in my pocket
get larger
Even as the overwhelming
darkness spreads around
and blots out the memories
of passion
and carefree living

As the machines take over
more and more
of everything I see

So it's all hairspray
and artificial air
processed and recycled
so much it can't
be from nature

I want to love all of you
but I really wish
you were dead
and in the ground
or that this poets heart
would just drown
and rise again with
the rock hard stolidness
of an American Man

Gin and Tonic

Salty words dance the air
fringing nerves
and putting smoking gun in hands

They all cling
like wet clothes
to a tired body
heavy and cold

Eyes peer across a somewhat empty space
searching corners
to put stories into brains

Fleshing out plots
to catch men
in a tossed soiree
smoking and black

Hands feel pockets
crinkling cellophane
bringing filtered pleasure to mouths

Igniting match
so to smoke
and hide a smile
twisted and knowing

that..

If I was a small child
I would probably be
scared of Keith

Krisis Pharaway

Pull the Monster
out of my mouth
and put him in your hand
drink his blood and feel of Man

Lick the wounds
from stinging words
and taste the salt on your tongue
knock me down into the sand
taste of me and taste of Man

When fantasy becomes murder
when dreams lead to lies
hold my soul
and let the pleasure wash over you
Eat of me and eat of Man

Tie me up
lock me up
box me up
shut me up

Dripping tongues lust over it
Why shouldn't I?

Fuzz

Something of a dream
reminds
the animals that roam
the plains
memory that sheds
light on dark situations
Can you read me
the plays of Sophocles?
or must I pick up
the book myself
and blow the away
the dust from the shelves

Something of a dream
reminds
lose the nonsense
and eat the words
that pour from you

I can't forget
winter and the noise
not even on hot summer
days

Stripes Of My Soul

There are Tigers in my dreams
stripes of orange and black
I sit upon a hill underneath
a willow tree
and the Tigers sit in the branches
silently loving me

I can see old men walking
on the road
down below
going to Heaven or Hell
and in their carts
are little children crying for
their mothers

(I will not turn)

And the Tigers talk to me
(or at least I understand their growls)
they tell me of places I should go
people I should know
The sky is so blue above ,y willow tree
not a cloud in the sky
and the time it rains
is when the Tigers cry

There is a little path leading up
to the boughs of my tree
and once in a while
a lady of inexhaustible beauty
visits me
She talks with me
about the Tigers
but always leaves with a kiss and a sigh

The Tigers tell me she doesn't love me
but I sometimes think the
Tigers lie

When night falls upon my hill
the Tigers come down from their tree
and comfort me , preen me, clean me
and cleanse my dirtied soul

(I know that in the end they will kill me)

But they leave at the moons peak
and prey on the old men
and their carts of children

Yet when I awake they are there
in their perches in the tree

Sometimes in the field beyond
the road
A circus will be in town
I can see from my spot
the tents and clowns
but no matter how much I beg
the Tigers won't let me go
I am theirs
I watch the little children
preying on the vendors
and ravaging the tents
I can see the freaks after dark
eating the little children
eating the future
And the old men still travel on
going to Heaven or Hell

The Tigers tell me about Satan
about Christ on crutches
The Tigers think they have me in their clutches
They fill my head with their hot breath

(I don't know who I am)

The birds fly so so far overhead
So far away
And when I tell the Tigers I want to fly
they only laugh and say someday

Upon my spot on the hill
I can see a little town
forever burning, forever on fire
nothing quenches the raging pyre
Underneath I feel the ground move
I feel the Earth move

(I will not turn around)

Sometimes in the sky I see
burning lights of red and green
but the Tigers won't tell me what
it all means

There are Tigers in my dreams
stripes of orange and black
do any of you know what that means?
do any of you know the Tigers in my dreams?

(I know that in the end they will kill me)

They sit up in the willow tree
silently judging me

(I will not turn...)

Sunday Twilight

Some Summers blue
twilight
reminds you
of
walking city streets
the crowds
the sounds
the excitement
reminds you of
Red evenings
kisses
warm tongue
entwined with yours
love blossoming
growing
reminds you
of cool green mornings
quietly wrapped in sheets
snoozing the frustrations of
the world away

All The Things I am

I am the shadows in the dreams
I'm the love, I'm more than I seem
I am the darkness, I am the night
I'm the fear when you take flight
I'm the needle that causes the pain
I am the falling of the rain

I'm the sweetness in the tea
Yet my soul you will never see
I'm the hello and the good-bye
I'm the salt in the tears you cry
I'm the visions, the lyrics and tunes
My sky is full of red balloons

I'm the blacksmith and the steel
I'm the wine with your evening meal
I am found and suddenly lost
and I'm the snow and winter frost
I'm the lunatic on his spree
You'll never meet someone so free

I'm the X and the Y
I'm the clouds in the pale pink sky
And though all these things I may be
These words are all that make up me

Greetings of Paper

The friendly greetings of paper
Passing each other on the sidewalk
The senseless chatter of the footsteps
On the pavement
The beautiful singing of the rain
As it falls on the umbrellas
Who are so glad to receive the company
And I sit
In the company of old friends
Talking
Most of it done by them
I listen halfheartedly
The speech of the footsteps
On the concrete makes more sense
And the singing rain is so much more worthwhile
The paper more friendly
The greetings more considerate
The corners more sharp

Peasent (Or Something a Bit Different)

There are no dragons any more
to tire our world with fear
the King has slain them all
with mystic sword and iron spear
The elves they have left the land
chased away with human might
for they were much to different you see
they gave the King an awful fright
And as for the Mighty Gods
with such Wisdom and vast Time
the King says they do exist
but only in our simple minds
So when the ghost comes out at night
and tells me what is true
that the King is a liar and deceiver
I know I must run the King through

M

I want to tear away this face
but it's stapled on

Slip

Bumped my head today
tried on your dress
just to be you for awhile

Why do you sleep in my head
alone and quiet
trying hard to cut the right face

lights go out
fear comes home

chocking on darkness
can't see
can't hold on
Slip

Bumped my head in the shower
dreamed of snakes
bites and venom

Why do you shout in my mind
tall and straight
trying hard to hold the right face

Command the scene
steal the show
lurking in the wings
playing the part
for dirty stage
Hands

Lost the world today
trying to be me
didn't have the strength

Why do you talk in my ear
poisonous and cold
trying hard to light my dreams

light goes on
leaving town

Killing the memory
can't imagine
can't hold on
Slip

The Holy Ghost and Jim Bakker

I can see them coming
hear them through the walls
the talk of white suits and paper
splashes of ceiling fan shadows

I can feel them nearer
their eyes on my neck
draw me on canvass
steal my devil from me
strip me down
submit me to it

Make me pay for all my
sins...
Make me pay

Untitled Dream #256

The field of moving boulders
the pleasant breeze
the waving grass
populated by rabbits
with glass eyes

I see them in the shadows
in the cars
in the stores
open doors

Memory Murderer

The past has crawled
from it's grave
to haunt me once again

I thought I shot
that one dead
but I hear it is
pushing it's way back
into my bed

The glass wizard can't
even kill that pain
the semi-annual feelings of shame
poison the tribute I offer

And I mourn it still
years after I buried it

What Possibly Can You Dream Of?

Tested
While the birds dream
of worms and sleep
Blue skies and dropping shit
on freshly cleaned cars

I have a bag full of bees
and a pocket full of snakes
to whisper the answers
into my ear and out my mouth

Broken
to look inside for a prize
that was promised to be
a piece of mind

The workings of this structured maze
are hidden by a luminous fog
that no candle can punch back
and the answers are all wrong

The answers are all wrong
so what is right
the time has disappeared
leaving power to those
who shouldn't

Granite Radio Song

I can still smell her scent
as if blown through the vent
in every store in which my money is spent
I remember the grass blades
and rolling in the shade
the love we made
And I wish I was there
instead of here
wasting another year
shedding another tear
drowning myself in yet another beer
Always fighting back the fear
that she was the one
the evening star to my morning sun
and now I'm back
visiting this lonely place
looking out through older face
my life moving at a different pace
I see the things I did wrong
always singing someone else s song
trying too hard to not belong
so where does it leave me now
lost somehow
looking for a way out
or back, to the past
memories that always last
and blow in just like an arctic blast
to freeze me in my spot
to make my blood clot
and I wish it was...but probably not

Untitled #9

I'd crawl cross the desert
with no oasis in sight
I'd swim the ocean depths
dark as night
I'd carve out my heart
and burn it in sacrifice
just to hold you
once again in these
arms

I'd blow out the sun
and pull the moon down
I'd run naked through
the streets of this southern town
I'd fight a hundred men
be bloodied to the core
just hear
you love me
once more

I Dream Red and White

I've roughly handled
fragile things
and they tumbled
shattered, broken
fifty or one hundred pieces
that super glue won't
Hold
this puzzle
that I can't
put back together
sweet words
and tender thoughts
can't overshadow
mindless actions

I dream red and white
and words that move so
fast across my screen
with all windows open and
music blaring
I dream fear
and of being or
living the American Dream
I dream golden hair
and porcelain skin

I wake to empty room
and cold sheets
and another day
of anxiety
and hesitation

The world is a mystery
to me
and time flows
like the Colorado River
cutting a Grand Canyon
through my heart
through my soul
through my brain

I dream
the past
and false realities
and I wake
not knowing if today
is the day